Today's Moments Are Tomorrow's Memories

Deep Thinker

2012-01-08T13:33:00.000-08:00

Dawson always asks random questions, some that make no sense at all. But occasionally he asks a question that gets me thinking.

The other day we were driving by a church and had this conversation:
Dawson: "Are shooting stars for people who don't believe in God?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Dawson: "Since they don't believe in God, is that their thing to believe in?"
Me: "Not necessarily (not really knowing what to say here.) Shooting stars are just something fun to see and if you want to make a wish you can, but usually if you believe in God, you realize that it is just for fun and that your wish probably won't come true. It's kind of like a wishing well. Some people like to toss in their coins and make a wish for fun."
Dawson: "What's so fun about throwing away your money???"
James: "Exactly! Remember, a penny saved is a penny earned."

Overall, it was funny and I'm still not sure I answered him correctly, but he moved on and left me pondering his question.

So This Is Christmas

2011-12-26T14:29:00.000-08:00

I have always liked John Lennon's "Happy Christmas." Today as I look at my list of to-dos and the piles all over the house, I can't help but think of the lyrics.

So this is Christmas and what have you done? Another year over and a new one just begun. So happy Christmas, I hope you had fun. The near and the dear one, the old and the young.

This was a weird Christmas. My father-in-law is still recovering from his surgery and wasn't feeling well enough to come up. It was the first time in 11 years that we haven't had everyone together on Christmas morning. Then, the kids are finally at an age where all they wanted were expensive electronics, so a couple ipods, a nook, a video game, and a few miscellaneous items and that was all the presents. Then there is the daunting facts that New Years is a week away and making you look back and evaluate last years' goals. It's just been strange.

I have so many hopes for the next year. So many changes I want to make within myself. So many plans. And yet, right now, I just feel stuck. I feel like the list is so long and the goals are so big that I can't figure out where to start and so rather than start somewhere, I sit, frozen, being frustrated that I haven't begun.

So next year when I hear, "So this is Christmas and what have you done?" I hope to have answers I want to hear. I hope that I figured out a place to start. And I hope that I had a smile on my face along the way.

Trying to juggle it all...

2011-12-11T06:58:00.001-08:00

I wish I wrote on here more. I wish I captured the little moments that I will want to remember. But, instead, I feel like I am in the middle of a juggling act and at any moment, may drop something and be booed off stage.

Dawson is doing amazing. It's been three months since his surgery and if you look at him, you'd never know. His hair has almost grown in to cover the scar. He is back to most all of his activities. It's like nothing happened. He is doing well in school. I can't believe he is half way through 2nd grade. Where is the time going?! The best part about Dawson is you never know what he is going to say next. I wish I had written them all down, but instead of being filled with sadness and regret, I will just make it a goal to be better at it.

Colton is doing great too. Last weekend we went to Prescott for the tree lighting ceremony and during a snowball fight, Uncle Ken fell on him and broke his thumb, but that is just life and another little hiccup along the way. It is his 6th broken bone and I am just wondering what number he is going for. He is doing wonderful in school and just had his choir concert that made me smile to watch.

Since going to work full time, I have pretty much felt like a crazy person most days. I hate grocery shopping at night, I miss time with James and feel like a tornado went through my house. On the flip side though, I love the kids I work with and it would break my heart if they didn't get help. Overall, although I have always had an appreciation for my mom and working moms, it has opened my eyes just a little more to some of the sacrifices. And it's hard at night when my kids want help with homework or reading and I am so burnt out that I just don't feel like it. Luckily, I was blessed with James who goes above and beyond anything I could have ever imagined for a husband and a father and he helps me keep it together.

James is doing pretty good. Work is good and he has stopped doing so much side work so he would have more time with his dad. Right now his dad is in the hospital, 5 days post-surgery from having his lower jaw removed to try and beat cancer. It is amazing what doctors can do and we are praying constantly that it was successful. A couple of weeks ago, James went on his elk hunt without his dad. That was the first time he ever went hunting without him and it was really difficult. This entire process has been hard on him and I wish more than anything that I could make it better.

There are so many things I would like a do-over on, keeping up on my blog being one of them, but the past is the past and I can only look forward, so I am going to throw one more ball in the air, see if I catch it, and try to be better about catching life's moments.

Keeping Perspective

2011-09-05T17:35:00.000-07:00

Today has been rough. My emotions are all over the place. Tomorrow we take Dawson down for blood work and so he can get a hospital tour and it just makes it all very real. The closer it gets, the more I don't want to do it. Although after the scare on Friday when he tested positive for strep and the possibility of having to postpone everything, I know I just want to get it over with.

It has been interesting to see how people handle me and this situation. Some are calling and checking often, others are there when I need to just cry, others sending me messages, but unsure of what to do or say so keeping their distance. I know everyone handles things different and so I am trying hard not to take it personally when someone doesn't show as much concern as I hoped they would. On a positive note, I am completely humbled by how many people are praying for Dawson and for me during this time and so blessed to have so many great people in my life.

I worry about Colton during all of this too. I know Dawson is the one going in, but Colton is the one left home, worrying, without James or I here to assure him. My mom is great and will be with him the entire time, but he is just my sensitive, sweet soul who takes it upon himself when he sees others hurting. I have tried to be strong around him, but he sees my tears well up and gives me a great hug.

So, to the perspective part. This entire journey, I have tried to stay positive and remind myself that this is something fixable and not terminal. That he will be in the hospital for 6 days, not 6 weeks or months doing cancer treatments. And that there is a purpose for all of this. On Saturday, my grandpa's new wife called and said they got Dawson a little something and they were hoping to see him before the surgery, so we went over the next day to visit. This happens to be my grandpa who lost his leg two years ago to diabetes complications. As we were leaving, they told Dawson they would be praying for him this week to which he replied, "And I'll be praying your leg grows back!" It's all about keeping perspective.

I Knew This Day Would Come

2011-08-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

Today I got the news I have known would eventually come....Dawson needs surgery. When Dawson was just over 2 years old, we found out he had a Chiari Malformation. In layman's terms, his brain stem herniated through an opening at the base of his skull and is compressing his spinal cord. Thankfully, we see a phenomenal neurosurgeon that has been watching Dawson since 2006 and waiting for the benefits of surgery to outweigh the risks. We are there. Dawson has now developed a cyst on his spinal cord from the lack of spinal fluid flowing and if we don't do anything, there can be long term damage up to paralysis.

The craziest part about today is that I was alone when I got the news. When Dawson first started getting his MRIs, James and I went together. They take about 4 hours each time and it was worrisome. As we got use to the feelings, I started taking him alone and James stayed with Colton so he didn't always feel like he was being shuffled. But, we have always gone to the follow up appointment together. It is better for us both to hear the information so we can bounce our questions off each other when we get home. Well this year, the day our appointment was scheduled, the doctors office called and had to reschedule. The only day available before school started was today. A day James was on shift. I told him that I had a feeling I would get some sort of big news since he wouldn't be there. You know what they say about a mother's intuition...

So here I am now. Numb, scared, questioning and yet thankful and confident. It is a very strange combination of emotions and I am sure it is only the beginning.

One Week and Counting

2011-06-10T16:25:00.000-07:00

It has been one week since James left for the Wallow fire. It's been a crazy week, a sleep deprived week, a stressful week and yet somehow I still feel like I am holding it together.

Last Friday James was on overtime at the lake and called me at 1:00pm to tell me he had just gotten the call to go to a wildfire near Alpine. It had started just a couple days ago and was growing fast, but since his longest deployment to date was four days, I told him it was a great opportunity and to go for it. He came home, got his stuff together, said goodbye and was gone by 3:00pm. That night I waited up for his call until 1:00am when he finally pulled into base camp and I felt like he was safe enough that I could sleep. That was day 1.

Day 2 was the day we had planned to celebrate Dawson's birthday with the family. I didn't want it to be any more apparent to the boys that dad was gone (or that he was more than likely going to miss Dawson's birthday) so we tried to maintain normalcy. The day was great. We went and saw Kung Fu Panda 2, barbecued, had cake and opened presents. Later that night, the boys and I went to church and everyone was doing good.

Day 3 was the day I stopped watching the news. The fire was growing quickly. The governor had visited and decided to use words like devastating and frightening. It was a long day (Sunday's are always long when James is on shift too) but I heard from James late that night, so I was good.

Day 4 was busy, but was only just the beginning. It was my first day of summer tutoring. I am working with 29 kids for 13 hours a week to help them with reading and math over the summer. Colton was also in basketball camp in the morning, so I had to beg my mom to hang out with Dawson while I was gone. I am definitely blessed to have family and friends around that are willing to help. That afternoon when I got home, one of the battalion chiefs called to check on us and also to ask me if I would consider talking to a news reporter about what life is like for the families at home while the firefighters are deployed. For some crazy reason, I said yes and cleaned the house the rest of the night.

Day 5 was tutoring and basketball camp, then I raced home for my 5 minutes of fame interview with Channel 5 and after we had some friends over to play on the water slide and have dinner for Dawson's birthday. The day wouldn't have been complete without throwing in a late night basketball practice for Colton though, so we made sure to squeeze that in too.

Day 6 was Dawson's actual birthday. Colton did a great job making him feel special in the morning and James was able to call and wish him "Happy Birthday." After tutoring and basketball, we met some friends at Peter Piper and they were sweet enough to get him a little gift bag which made his day. He told Colton all night, "Thanks so much for planning the surprise party for me!" I was just thankful he was focusing on that and not that dad was gone. Later that night, we went to dinner with my mom so overall he was busy and happy and he knew he was getting an extra celebration when dad got home. I, however, had a rough day. I started watching the news again that day and they were evacuating two more towns and pulling firefighters out of areas for their safety. The magnitude of what James was doing became more real and I just felt unsettled. Thankfully he was able to call that night and really reassure me that he was being safe and I was able to sleep good.

Day 7 was a blur. Basketball camp, four hours of tutoring, Dawson's speech therapy and both boys basketball games that night. Whew! We were all exhausted by time we got home.

Today is Day 8 and it's been good so far. We went to the summer movies this morning, had friends come visit from Prescott and my mom is coming over to have dinner with us.

I have learned a couple things so far while James is gone. The first is how much I depend on him. I love him because he is my husband and count on him as the man of the house and my kid's dad, but he is so much more. He makes me laugh, feel safe, and is just the person I want to be around. The second how much I appreciate single and military moms. My two weeks looks like a joke to them and my hats are off to them and all they have to do. The third is that I can do all the "man stuff" around the house if I have to, but I still don't like it.

The next week seems like an eternity right now, but I am sure I will blink my eyes and my family will be together again, just like it should be.

One Liners

2011-05-08T17:52:00.000-07:00

Dawson has had some great one-liners that I am afraid I will forget if I don't write them down, so here they are:

To my mom, "You might not want to look now, I'm gonna get naked."

To the doctor who was Indian (middle East) and checking Colton for strep, "You must be talking Spanish or something because you sure sound funny."

To the kid with the bloody nose, "If you don't pick it, it won't bleed."

To me, "I was on green today. I went to red but got back to green so it doesn't need to count."

CRAZY Roller Coaster

2011-04-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

Life is such a CRAZY roller coaster. There are ups and downs and everything in between. Days you want to scream, times you want to puke and at the end all you want is to do it again. Since I have managed to only post once a month since I got my job, I am going to try to remember some of the ups and downs that have happened.

Ups: It's always better to start positive, right? James and I celebrated 11 years of wedded bliss. We were fortunate enough to go to a great dinner with his crew and then got away to Prescott for the night. Then we went to the Chris Tomlin concert as a belated gift to ourselves. The day after the concert, I had a friend call me and tell me that when she saw us from behind she leaned over and told her sister in law that we were the most compatible couple she has ever met. She said that no matter whether things are good or bad in life or just between us, that she can always see the love underneath. What an awesome compliment to get!

The boys are doing good. Report cards came in and were great and Colton just finished AIMS testing. They are both playing soccer right now and having fun. Most days, I feel like I am chasing my tail and at times I get so frustrated I think smoke is coming out of my ears, but at the end of the day, they just make me laugh and it is all worth it!

My job is going good. My kiddos are making huge gains with reading and I am anxious to see their test scores at the end of the year. Last month I even got Teacher of the Month which was really nice to feel appreciated among my peers. It's one thing for a 2nd or 3rd grade kid to like you, but always nice when the people you work with do to. Isn't it crazy? I feel like this is such a short list and I am thinking through the list of downs and there are so many more. It is always so hard to come up with the positives!!

Downs: These are the things that make us stronger and most times we are laughing during them or shortly after they happen. At the beginning of March, Colton's asthma kicked into full swing. We were supposed to be at a wedding at 6pm and I couldn't get him under control, so I decided to run him to urgent care at noon thinking we'd be fine. Little did I know my baby would be transported by an ambulance to the hospital and have 17 breathing treatments and 3 rounds of steroids in the next 12 hours before we could go home. Now for the funny part...have you ever been billed by an ambulance company??? Seriously, $0.35 for gloves x 4 pairs. Good stuff.

Last weekend it was pouring rain, but my kids still had soccer. When we came home from the first game, everyone was wet and I told them to take everything off in the garage. As Dawson was going in the house, Colton went to brace himself against the wall and somehow the tip of his finger was in the door jam and sure enough it slammed closed on it. After 2 hours of crying and pretty substantial swelling, I took him in to find out it was broken. In the meantime, my mom had come to help me out and when she came in, Liberty jumped, off all fours, like she always does. Only this time she came down, let out a yelp and became my three legged dog for the next 24 hours until I took her in to the vet to find out she had partially torn her ACL. For the bargain price of $509.55, I made it through my weekend of James being on shift! (The good stuff only happens when he is gone!)

Dawson got a new kid in class three weeks ago. All year he had only had two card changes. Then, in the course of the last three weeks, he has had five yellows. He did inform me that he thought if he got in enough trouble that his teacher would send him home, which he likes because he doesn't love school. I shared with him that really he would just get to go to the principals office and then I let him experience 20 minutes in the cubby which didn't phase him one teeny tiny bit. It is very hard to raise yourself, especially when you were a stinker!!

Sometimes I feel like we get more than our fair share of trials, but I also think we know how to make them entertaining and God knows we will pull together and make it so it is what is it. Sometimes I think we are blessed more than we deserve. Either way, at the end of the day, I am happy I have my life. It's crazy, but it's mine.

He's Creative

2011-02-16T19:11:00.000-08:00

I feel like I haven't blogged forever and want to catch up on a couple things. Things are going good with my new job. I am working with 78 kiddos right now and although I am tired and feel defeated some days, there are some kids making so much progress that it is worth it.

Today we had both of the kids conferences and they are doing great. Polar opposites though. I have Colton who is my straight A student and not happy because they aren't all 100% and then there is Dawson who probably would be fine with staying in 1st grade if it meant not having to put in any more effort. Both boys are playing basketball right now and Colton's team is so exciting to watch this year! They started keeping score and allowing fouls and stealing. It's a whole different game.

Now to the story. So, today I am walking down the hall to get Dawson from class and he is showing me the bracelet he made. He actually took a piece of paper and cut a thin strip off, tied a knot in it and made a bracelet. He was proud of it, but he was extra proud of the buttons he had threaded on to it. I was actually impressed that he threaded buttons on to paper without it ripping. So as he is proudly walking down the hall wearing his button bracelet, I asked him where he got the buttons. Without skipping a beat he holds the side of his shirt up and goes, "from here." Yep, that is right. My son cut all the buttons off his shirt to make his beloved button bracelet. I don't know if this is more creative than gluing the book shut in kidergarten so he didn't have to read it or not. Either way, I am such a proud mom!

Resolutions

2011-01-01T09:19:00.000-08:00

It's New Years Day. Another chance to do and/or make everything right for the year to come. I have no idea what is so motivating about today and why we can't just change our lives any ol' day, but this seems to be the popular day to do it. I have so many things I want to do this year, but hate the thought of calling them resolutions....I feel like I am setting myself up for failure, especially when you hear statistics like 9 out of 10 people give up on their resoultions by the third week in January. I am a work in progress. Some of the things I want to work on, I have already accomplished and then let slip again.

Oh well, here's my list for this year:
-Lose 10% of my body weight and keep it off for good! (Not 30 days like I said last year. I kept it off for 5 months before I let it come back!)
-Really, truly work on my potty mouth....it's just not pretty.
-Find a true balance between being a wife, mom, friends, work & volunteering not losing myself in the middle of all of it.
-Instead of just laughing my way through situations, truly enjoying my life.
-Read the entire bible this year. I will keep this goal until I attain it.

I could go on and on, but really if I just prioritize my life this year, things will be good.

The Disneyland Trip That Wasn't

2010-12-21T17:45:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago we went to Disneyland the week before Christmas and fell in love. Every year since we have gone back. Of course, every year we say we won't do it the next year, but we always cave and we do. So this year we had it planned for Dec 19th-23rd, almost the same exact days as last year. Only this year, it appears that California was going to be having one of the worst storms in 15 years at exactly the same time.

We almost didn't go. We teeter tottered back and forth for days. Finally I put something on Facebook and almost instantly had comments. "Go, have fun." "Make memories." "You only live once." So we decided to go for broke and we loaded up and headed out. When we hit about Riverside, it started to rain pretty hard. At that point it was 3:55pm and I could still cancel the hotel until 4:00pm, but for some reason, we kept driving. Once we got to the hotel, everyone we saw was not just wet, but dripping. We heard it had been really windy too and that no matter what you had on, you got wet. Yet, we proceeded to unload and check in.

When we went to dinner, we ran into another family from the Phoenix area. They had been over to Disneyland that day and actually had a 2-day pass, but they were choosing to lose their second day and just go home. The parades were cancelled, no fireworks, and a lot of the outdoor rides were shut down or kept breaking down. And the craziest part was she said it was still packed!

After dinner we went back to the hotel and begged to get out of the next two nights and they were kind enough to not make us pay any more for our mistake. We decided to make the best of the trip still and to go to the Long Beach Aquarium in the morning on our way out of town and the kids were happy with that. Things were looking up.

We got up the next morning, had a great breakfast at Mimi's and leisurely went to the aquarium. When we first left, it wasn't raining and we started to question our decision, but by lunchtime it was coming down good. When we were outside watching the Sea Lions, we were in the rain for about 20 minutes and so thankful that we were going inside to get dry. The kids enjoyed everything and we packed up to head home.

That is when the fun really began. For the first 100 miles, our topped out speed was 30mph. It was raining so hard, you could barely see and the wind was kicking up. At one point we saw a sign for the Old Spaghetti Factory and got off the freeway to grab a bite to eat only to be told that they closed from 2-5pm everyday and it was 2:41pm. Don't ask. Then we had the pleasure of following a highway patrol for 8 miles while the road crew cleared debris so the road didn't flood. At one point when we were stopped, the car next to us, who was also two cars behind the cop, decided to roll down their window and throw out all of their fast food trash. Lovely. Just when I thought I had had all the fun I could, I had a car come up behind me out of nowhere (I was already going 74 in a 70) and flash me to get out of his way. So, I graciously moved into the next lane and once he passed, proceeded to get behind him, speed up and flash my brights at him. Oops. Must have pissed him off because he slammed on his brakes and wouldn't move. But, after my little road rage incident, we made it home fairly quickly.

I guess it depends on how you look at our Disneyland trip that wasn't. To some it may sound like a disaster, but to us, it was just some more memories made. Sometimes, the things that make you laugh the hardest aren't the ones planned.

Big Changes

2010-11-06T16:08:00.001-07:00

Monday I am going to face some big changes. On Monday, after 9 years and 4 months of being a stay-at-home mom, I am going back to work. I have been fortunate enough to get a part time job at the boys school to help kids that are behind in reading skills. Although I have my degree hanging on the wall right above me, I feel so unprepared. I was so nervous during my interview that I actually got an upset stomach. Analyzing my closet has been interesting too...I found that I either have "mom" clothes or "wedding/funeral" clothes. I have done some shopping though, so I think I am good now.

In some ways, I feel like not much will change. I am already at the school 20-25 hours a week volunteering, so now I will just be paid for 17 of them. I know all of the staff and get along with them. My boys are excited too which is nice. But, I am already having to miss my first field trip at the end of the month. Last week, I had to drop the boys off at a friends at 7:15am so I could go to training. And this Friday, the boys are off school and I am in training all day. Overall, I know it is going to be great. It gets my foot in the door if I ever want to go back to an actual career, it brings in a little extra money and it gives me a feeling of purpose. And the schedule works out so that James and I can still catch a movie or grab lunch once or twice a week. It is just weird to think I am going back to work!

Now He Believes

2010-10-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

I think getting Dawson to lose his first tooth has actually been more difficult than giving birth. He has been terrified for a good five weeks since it first became wiggly. We have tried everything to convince him how great it would be: we told him about the tooth fairy, we told him about the money, we promised him ice cream and candy and anything else he loves. Nope, he wasn't going to have it. He said he didn't care about the tooth fairy and that she could keep her money. He just wanted to not eat, not brush and wait for it to "get stuck" again.

Well, last night was finally the night. I went to brush his teeth and it was literally laying sideways. I brushed against it and it fell into his mouth. All of a sudden, "Wow, that didn't hurt at all!'' "Look, it's not even bleeding." "Aren't I brave?!" It was like I had a different child in front of me. Then this morning he wakes up and comes running out of his room with the money from the tooth fairy and exclaims, "Now, I really do believe!"

Let's see how true that is when the next tooth starts to wiggle. :)

Mother of the Year in Waiting

2010-10-23T15:40:00.000-07:00

In the nine years that I have been a mother, there are many times where I have done something that I thought was worthy of the "Mother of the Year" award. This morning I am pretty sure I solidified my spot and am hoping to never have anything that tops this moment.

Colton had a cross country meet at my old high school. Each week the running order has been 7th/8th grade running first, 5th/6th running second, and 4th grade running last. Usually it is the girls running first too, but for some reason they decided to run the boys first this week. Still, I didn't see any reason to rush to get there at 7:15 when the meet didn't start until 8:00 and Colton most likely wouldn't run until after 9:00. So, we left about 7:30, in no hurry at all, for the race.

At 7:58, I was 1/2 mile away and I got a phone call from one of the other parents asking where I was because they decided to switch the order, the 4th grade boys were running first and she was holding the start for us. I flew into the parking lot and told Colton to jump out and go. And the downhill spiral started. When he got out of the car, his shoe got stuck. He even said, "Mom, my shoe," to which I replied, "Whatever it is, it is fine. Just go!" When he stepped out with his other foot, I assumed (yes ASS U ME) that he was out and started to roll forward. That was when I saw him drop to the ground and heard him scream, "Mom, my foot!" Oh yes, I ran over his ankle with the car. I immediately got out and checked him. By the grace of God it was only black from the tire and it bruised up nicely later, but nothing was broken.

Now, the blame is definitely on me here, but there are three things that could have changed how this went.
#1) Communication between the schools. We are a multiple kid, multiple sport family, so knowing actual times is helpful.
#2) We have three vehicles...my van, James' jeep and the 1996 Corolla. If I had been in the van or the jeep, first of all the tire is at least 18" behind the door as opposed to the 2" for the Corolla and they are both automatic instead of manual so I more than likely would have had it in park instead of neutral.
#3) If I could be less stressed about my kids missing something. He had already missed a meet this year for being sick and so I didn't want him to miss another. BUT, in the grand scheme of things, it would have never mattered five years from now. It's not like he had a college scholarship riding on his run. I need to remember that if I am calm, my entire house is usually calm too.

After all the drama, I parked the car and we walked over to the starting line where ironically they still hadn't started the race yet. Colton decided he wanted to run and even with a sore ankle he got 41st place. Not too shabby. And now, there will be no "jumping" out of the cars for this household anymore. Gotta go wait for my phone call now.

Questions

2010-10-19T16:13:00.000-07:00

I have so many questions about life. Sometimes I feel like I am on auto pilot like when you drive home and have no idea how you got there. Only, I wake up some days and have no idea how I got to where I am in my life.

How is Christmas only 9 weeks away?

How am I having parent-teacher conferences for my 1st and 4th grader?

How have I not worked for over 9 years?

How can I have my baby say, "for my 7th birthday...?"

How come I can't keep up with a blog or remember the funny stories when I have time to write them down?

Why do I constantly feel as though I am taking my loved ones for granted as if I will have forever to get to do things with them?

Why is it I can sleep 8+ hours and still feel tired?

What, oh what, possesed me to get a puppy?

What is so hard about actually eating healthy and exercising simultaneously for more than a week?

Can I get an extra hour added to each day?

Is it always going to be like this?

Time in a Bottle

2010-09-19T06:56:00.000-07:00

This morning I am singing Jim Croce songs in my head. If I could save time in a bottle... Wouldn't we all like to do that? Time is getting away from me. Life is getting away from me. The boys are starting their 6th week of school already tomorrow. It is hard to believe it, but I know I am going to blink and Christmas will be here.

Dawson is doing fabulous in first grade. Actually so much better than I expected. I knew we had a terrific teacher when she was Colton's, but each kid is different, so I was a little worried, but she has not disappointed. The other day the principal even told me he couldn't believe how awesome he was doing when he popped into class for something. He is really starting to want to read and is trying to sound things out everywhere. Yesterday we went to the movies and in the middle of it, he turned to the sign and goes e x i t...exit. It reminds me of when Colton learned to read and we pulled into Fry's and as we were walking up he goes, "Fry's Food and DRUG! Mom, we can't shop here, it has drugs." So in the parking lot we had the illegal drugs vs. over the counter and prescription talk. It was funny. This year I feel like I don't have as many funny stories for Dawson, but I know they are there. The other day, someone reminded me about the bloody nose story from last year. As his class was walking to lunch, a kid in the hall was trying to stop his bloody nose. Dawson passed by, leaned over and said, "you have to stop picking your nose before it starts to bleed." Words of wisdom there. This year he is doing his regular things like telling the teacher he doesn't want her sticker when she asks him to read the sight words for the week. He's not shy. He knows what will work as a bribe and what won't.

Colton's year isn't going quite as well, but it's not bad either. He got a very interesting class which is making it hard. I was in between a couple of teachers and I knew one was going to be better academically and one was going to be better for his heart. I went with the one who was more mothering and there have been days I have been so thankful for her, but sometimes I wish he was challenged a little bit more. I have faith it will all work out though. He is on the cross country team and loving it. They practice every morning at 6:15am and so far it hasn't bothered him one bit. Tomorrow night he starts soccer too and while I will be exhausted, I am sure he will be in heaven just running around.

James went on his coveted antelope hunt and was successful. It is hard to believe he was drawn the first year he put in and got his antelope on opening morning. I was so happy for him. It was funny when it was all done, he got depressed the same way he does on Christmas night. There is so much prep and hype that when it is all over, he is bummed.

Liberty is still alive. She has eaten money, destroyed a new roll of paper towels so that it looked like it snowed, dug more holes to China than I can count, kept me up in the middle of the night, cost me more than a Disneyland trip and yet she is still here. The boys love her. Truth be told, I do too. I think she is going to be an awesome family dog when she is done being a puppy.

Life just passes by and I feel like each day, I take for granted the moments and the memories. Dawson got his first character cash, Colton ran a mile in 8 minutes 40 seconds, Liberty lost her baby teeth. In 6 months, I won't remember that. But they are the very moments that make my life what it is. The very moments I am so thankful for. If only I could save time in a bottle.

Softer

2010-08-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

Growing up, my family always thought I was the one with the hard heart. I never thought I had a hard heart per say as much as I was just a very black and white person. I try not to be judgmental, especially since I can empathize with some situations that are hard. As I grew in my teenage years and especially once I had my own children, I started to see all the many shades of gray.

School started for my boys 3 weeks ago and I saw my old self sneak back in. There was a new boy in Colton's class. He lives two blocks away and the day they met, they clicked. However, he isn't the type of boy I necessarily want influencing my kids. From what I have heard, his parents had a lot and like so many others lost most of it in the recession. The first time we had him over, I was appalled and frustrated. He wasn't using four letter words, but he was talking ugly, using many words we don't in this house. When I mentioned that we didn't talk like that, he increased the amount of words he could fit into one sentence. He also spent the entire 2 hours doing nothing but putting down my child and everything he had and telling him how everything he had was better. Although I knew in my heart that that was a learned behavior, especially at that age, I got all mama bear and wanted to defend my kids.

I told Colton that I wanted him to play with this boy at school, but also to make sure to make and keep other friends. I talked to the teacher and encouraged her to keep them apart. But every day, he was all Colton talked about. About a week in to school, I heard that he came to school with all of his clothes on inside out. Not because he wanted to, but because nobody had washed any of his clothes and they were too dirty to wear. That is when my heart broke. No child should have to go through that, but especially not a kid living with mom, dad and grandpa in a 2500 square foot house. This boy was obnoxious because he was desperately seeking attention.

A couple days later, I let him come over again. I told the boys is was only for an hour and it went well. He was a different kid than the first time. He was respectful and didn't use any of the language I don't like. He was kind to and included Dawson. He was just happy to play. Then today, Dawson was supposed to have a friend over after school and I told Colton he could have this boy over. About an hour before, Dawson's friend called to cancel. Before we even had a chance to call Colton's friend, he was at our door. He had come over 45 minutes early which annoyed me a little. I politely told him that since Dawson's friend cancelled that we were going to have a family afternoon and he could come play another day. He looked so sad. He left and started to walk back home. I felt like I wanted to cry.

I told Colton to go get him immediately and all of the boys have been playing great even since. It's a fine line for me because I want my kids to have the best influences possible, but I also think that they need to have a big heart for those without. Sure he has a big house and more tangible things than my boys, but the one thing he is missing, the attention from his parents, is so much bigger. I am glad my heart is getting softer towards him and hope that this can be a place where he is encouraged.

Just Two Little Letters

2010-08-04T20:29:00.000-07:00

I am overwhelmed. I am stressed. I am tired. And I did it all to myself.

I have this inability to say no and I don't know why. Sometimes I feel bad. Sometimes I actually think I can or want to do it. Sometimes my kids are asking. Sometimes I am just stupid.

School starts back up in 5 days. This week I agreed to help 3 half days in the copy room. Not bad, helping them, yet still having time with my kids. But then the church called and needed help with a cutting project. Sure, I can do it, I have my nights when James is on shift. And then the PTSO came up with this great back to school project for the teachers and I spent 15 hours getting it together. And then the kids want to squeeze in one last play date before school starts. And then the dog goes and gets an unexpected $200 UTI.

And at the end of my day, I am at the end of my rope. And while I am hanging, just for good measure, I have forget to say no to stress eating and the red vines that were staring at me today in the copy room and the dollar scoop night at Baskin Robbins last night. I swear.

I get so frustrated. With myself. With the people who take advantage. With my hubby for not putting his foot down and knocking some sense into me. Seriously, even if I made $8 an hour for the time I volunteer, just school alone would have been $8,000 and could have paid for my new A/C unit that is financed.

I don't know which is easier at this point; accepting that I am an idiot with the inability to say two little letters and just resign to being stressed or actually start saying no and deal with the guilt and the worry that nobody will do it (even though I know eventually somebody would or it just wouldn't get done and that would be how it was.)

Ugh! Sometimes my personality just irks me!

Letting Go and Trusting God

2010-07-20T06:53:00.001-07:00

A couple of years ago, you could have thrown almost anything my way and I would have known how to deal with it. I would have prayed about it, let it go and trusted God to help me through it. I have noticed that over the course of the past year I am having a harder time truly letting go. I will have my moments where I think I am, but will quickly realize that I am still trying to control the situation.

This morning I looked at my daily K-Love email and it was John 14:1, "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me." I am pretty sure that I am being spoken to. I am also sure that I need to and want to listen.

So...I am letting go and trusting God with my children. I think this is the hardest area for me to release. I know they are mine on loan, but for some reason I feel like I know what they need best. I am ready to accept that I don't. That things may happen in their life that I would have never thought would be good and they may not be, but there may be a valuable lesson behind it that shouldn't be missed. I am ready (again) to let God be in control of their lives instead of me.

There is a video I saw about a puppy who was being trained to be a service dog and because of her natural instincts had to be released from the program. Her owner had two options. One was to adopt her out to a good family which is what happens 99% of the time. The other was to keep her. She chose to keep her and not just that, she found that she could surf and now this dog raises thousands of dollars every year for disabled people. Instead of just touching one life, she touches many and it is only because her owner/trainer was willing to give her a chance to grow. My favorite line in the video is, "when I stopped trying to make her who I thought she should be and just let her be, she flourished." That is what I want for my boys. I want to just let them be, be who they are supposed to be, who God wants them to be, and to be thankful and proud of who they are.

What I have realized in the past couple of days is that what is bothering me the most is knowing where my relationship with God has been and where it is now. Six years ago, I depended on him for everything. Dawson's health. James' job. It all rested in His hands. And I was not only comfortable with that, but comforted by it. Then four years ago, when I felt I wasn't as close to Him, I prayed for that back. Shortly after, Dawson was diagnosed and I became fully dependent on Him yet again.

Now, without wanting the struggles, I find myself craving that relationship again. And while I am praying that it doesn't take something big like it did four years ago to get that back, I am accepting that it might and am ready to stop trying to control every aspect of my life so that it can't happen if it needs to. I am ready to let go and trust. And for the first time in a long time, instead of an overwhelming fear accompanying that, there is a peace and that is what I have been looking for.

9 Grown, 9 To Go

2010-07-13T15:23:00.000-07:00

Today is Colton's birthday. I cannot believe it has been nine years since he came into my life! I also can't believe that in another nine years he will be an adult. This is the halfway mark and it makes me think. Have I taught him enough? What will he remember? Has there been more good than bad?

With so much on my mind, the one thing that sticks out was the day he was born. James and I went to dinner the night before and since I couldn't sleep, I made him stay up with me until 2am when we finally decided to go tot the hospital. I had been scheduled to be induced at 4pm on July 13th, but in Colton fashion, he came on his own at 12:07pm.

He has brought me so much joy. He is the most caring, compassionate, old-soul I have ever met. He sticks up for his friends, puts his dad on a pedestal and treats me like a queen. Even on his worst days of back talking or being disobedient, it always ends with an apology and a hug.

He loves sports! He doesn't even care which sport it is. As long as he is moving and has something to commentate on, he is on top of the world. He is so patient with Dawson and although he is reaching the age in which a little brother is no longer cool, he really loves him.

He has the biggest smile and since he got his braces off three days ago, it is even bigger. He has a heart of gold. He will be a fantastic husband and father someday.

He is nine years old today. He is growing fast. And he is loved more and more each day!

Backtracking

2010-07-05T22:28:00.001-07:00

I have finally decided to put pictures on my blog. I haven't done it before because of all the crazy stories I have heard, but I realized that for some of my stories to have meaning, the picture needs to be behind it. So, I am slowly going to be backtracking and adding pictures to my previous posts.

While I was getting ready to do this, I was reading some of my posts. It is amazing how much I forget so quickly. I am so glad I wrote down some of the funniest stories and moments and some of the achievements I have made. One of those was losing 15 pounds before going to Hawaii in March. I even kept it off when we came home. But, on this last vacation, I gained a little and then as soon as Liberty came home I gained some more. I eat most when I am tired and stressed and nothing has does that more than a new puppy. So, tonight I made a promise to myself to get the extra weight back off and even keep going towards my goal of ten additional pounds after that.

Sometimes I hate looking back. There are mistakes and regrets. But there is also laughter and happiness. And sometimes it just renews your perspective and gets you going again.

Sweet Liberty

2010-07-04T17:59:00.000-07:00

The Fourth of July is about freedom and independence. Two things I have not had much of since bringing home sweet Liberty eight days ago. Liberty is our brand new, now seven week old, puppy. She is an adorable yellow lab which is working in her benefit right now. She has been long awaited by my boys and while I think that she will be awesome in the long run, I have noticed a couple of things about raising a puppy.

-Their sleep schedule is just as messed up as a newborn baby.

-When they decide they are hungry, they are hungry...not in ten minutes when the food has had a chance to soften, but now....which is why the book probably told me to prepare it early and have it on stand by.

-They are used to playing with, and biting, their litter mates. There is no regard as to whether it is a toy or an arm, they bite it.

-Their teeth are SHARP! Not cute sharp, but like little razors blades scaring me one day at a time.

-Unlike bringing home a new baby that hangs out in a bassinet for at least a couple of weeks, it is more like bringing home a toddler. Sure she sleeps a lot still, but when it is time to play, it is like a tornado blowing through the house.

On a positive note, she is very smart. In one week, she is already almost housebroken. She is learning to sit and to shake, although I think she is annoyed with this because when we tell her to sit, she does and then she waves her paw in the air as if to say, "I am shaking too. Any other tricks you want?" She is doing great in her crate. The boys and I actually left her today for three house to see a movie and she did good. She sleeps four hours straight and only gets up one time a night to go out. She is actually making my kids more responsible and less selfish, although that is a work in progress.

I am happy we took the plunge. I do think it will be great for the boys to grow up with her. Now I am just praying she will be the dog we have always hoped for. And #73 if officially off the to-do list.

Family Vacation, Road Trip Style - Part 2

2010-06-21T19:01:00.000-07:00

Leaving Fairfield, I put everyone in nice outfits. On the way to Tahoe there is this beautiful river and I desperately wanted a great family picture. So, everyone was dressed, not allowed to eat or touch anything and we were on our way. When we pulled off the road, I didn't remember the mountain being quite as steep. I talked my kids into climbing down, which was hard to convince Colton, and just kept reassuring them that they would be fine. Then, in my flip flop, I took a step. Just one, because then I rolled the rest of the way down the hill. I was fortunate enough to only break my flip flop in the process and to have a hubby awesome enough to take pictures of me on the way down for my memories.

We did get a picture at the bottom. Not exactly like the one I had hoped for, but it's a picture.

The next day we rented a boat. We have been to Lake Tahoe three times and never wanted to spend the money, but this year we decided to go for it. It was a really neat experience. All of the things that we see year after year from bike rides and hikes were all at a different perspective. And the boys loved driving the boat. Their favorite part though was when James forgot to turn his hat around and got the boat up to 40mph and it went flying off into the lake. They used the hook and on the second time around, got his hat out of the lake.

The rest of Tahoe was relaxing and fun. We rented bikes, we took hikes, we played goofy golf, and we swam a lot. It is so beautiful there. You can really see God's artwork as you watch the sun set over the lake. Of all the places I have traveled, I am pretty sure it is one of my favorite. It ranks right up there with Disneyland for all the complete opposite reasons. :)

On our way home from Lake Tahoe we decided to go to Carlsbad for a couple of days. About two years ago we had some friends move close to the Anaheim area so we planned to meet up with them for dinner on the way down. Well, it was a Friday and we hit the outer edge of Los Angeles at 4:00pm. We only had 38 miles to get to their house. We were hoping. We were praying. We were moving a 2mph. In two hours we moved a grand total of eight miles. I could have walked it faster! Once we got there it was great though. The kids played like they had seen each other the day before and it was great to visit with John and Tina.

In Carlsbad the only thing on our agenda was the beach and we accomplished it. The weather was perfect. The sand felt so good under my feet. The waves were gorgeous and even though we ended up going farther out than planned and getting soaked in regular clothes, it was a treat to play in the ocean.

Overall, it was a great vacation. 2100+ miles in 11 days. We still liked each other when we got home. Nobody got hurt. All nine loads of laundry are done. Pictures turned out fairly well. I really do love my family and I am fortunate to have the experiences with them that I do.

Family Vacation, Road Trip Style - Part 1

2010-06-12T17:47:00.000-07:00

The past 3 years we have been going on a road trip for our family vacation. Every year we end up in Lake Tahoe, but where we stop on the way there and back changes every year. So far, we are three days in and as always, the memories are great.

The first day we were super ambitious and bit off 764 miles. We actually made it in 12 hours and 45 minutes, but by the 10 hour mark, everyone had lost it. At one point, we stopped and I asked everyone if they wanted a drink. Nobody did, so we were on our way. Of course, 30 minutes later, James asks me how buried the waters are and if he could reach it. Since they were packed under 3 duffel bags, sand toys, shoes and all sorts of other junk, I told him probably not but that I could stop. He told me to keep going, so as we start passing all these dry fields on the way to Napa, there are signs that say, "congress created dust bowl" and "water crisis" to which my dear hubby replies, "yeah, no kidding." I immediately pulled over on the side of the freeway and he got his stinkin' water! :) It was all giggles from there.

The next day we went to the Jelly Belly Factory for a tour. It was pretty basic and we actually got three whole jelly beans to sample before buying another $17 worth. On our way to leave, we noticed that the Budweiser plant next door had tours too. We felt a little weird since we had the kids with us and it was 10am, but we went for it anyways. Man, do they know how to put on a tour. Free pretzles, soda for the kids and three 8 oz beers for James. Since there were five other families, we let our feelings of being bad parents fade quickly, but drinking at 10am wasn't helping too much. When we left there, we went to Walmart to get the boys some water balls for the pool and ended up eating lunch at the McDonald's in Walmart. Oh yeah, now we were officially white trash.

We went to play laser tag and goofy golf all afternoon. It was pretty warm out and must have taken it out of Dawson because when we went to the grocery store to get food, we look down and there he is, sitting on the bottom shelf of the bread aisle. The bottom shelf where bread is kept! When he got up, seven loaves had a butt imprint on them. He also tried to sit on the wine display and a stack of t-shirts that we being sold. There are some days that I just want to ask, "who's kid is that?!"

Today we took the ferry from Vallejo to San Francisco. Sometimes James and I come up with great plans and they just fall apart. Right now Dawson is into anything related to the ocean, so since last year we went to the Monterey Aquarium, we thought this year we would try the Aquarium by the Bay on Pier 39. Well, it is by the Bay and it is two whole underground tunnels long. And that is it. And we got in for the bargain price of $39.95 and were done in 35 minutes. Since we had 5 hours to kill before the ferry went back, we wandered around, ate lunch at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., which was fun, and ended up walking through the aquarium three more times. All in all it was a fun day and memories were made.

Tomorrow we head to Tahoe. But right now, we are off to the hotel pool. Didn't you know if you are a kid, that is the best part of a vacation? :)

6 years ago...

2010-06-08T07:08:00.004-07:00

Six years ago, I was up in the middle of the night because at 4:54am, Dawson came into the world. The weeks leading up to that were chaotic with doctors and bed rest and hospital stays and juggling poor Colton around, but it was always exciting. And, it has been exciting ever since.

Dawson is the only person I know that can bring me to my knees daily. Sometimes out of frustration, sometimes out of laughter. He is so much like me and gives me a run for my money. He can reason his way through any situation and when something makes sense to him, he will argue his point endlessly. He has THE best one liners and doesn't even realize how funny he is.

He is so sweet. He loves to cuddle. He wants a back rub every night. And any time he is sitting by you for that matter. He is uninhibited and not scared. He has not conformed to the ways of the world and goes to the beat of his own drum. He is special.

He runs into poles that leave permanent bumps on his head. He puts Pix-O's in his ears that require surgery. He still wants to wear floaties even though he can swim. When he complains and I call him on it, he says, "I am not complaining, I am just saying it in a whiny voice." He is Dawson through and through.

Six years ago, my life was forever changed. I cannot imagine what it would have been without him. My baby is six years old!! Oh, how the time flies!

So Much To Write, So Little Time

2010-06-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

The only reason I have this blog is so that I can have memories. So many things happen each and every day and they just get stored away until we forget. I love retracing my steps and remembering some of the moments I have written about. The problem now is that I can't remember to blog. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks and I am sure 90% of it has already fallen out of my brain already!

The biggest moments happened the day school got out. My baby, my almost 9 year old baby is going to be a 4th grader. I have no idea how that is possible, especially because I remember 4th grade like it was yesterday. And then, my other baby went and graduated kindergarten. Seriously, I was a wreck. At least I knew what songs to expect, so I was able to keep it together a little, but seriously, how can this be happening? I am so excited about this stage in their lives. Watching them grow is amazing and I am usually filled with as much joy and pride as frustration, but it is because they are growing and figuring out their paths in life and I am so lucky to be able to take the journey with them.

Not even three days after school got out, I got bored. My boys were bored on the first day, but I waited until the third. The problem is that when I get bored, it usually results in me overcomitting myself either with my time or my finances. Well, this time I decided to do them both. The kids have been asking for a dog for a couple of years now. At Christmas we told them we would consider getting one after we got back from Hawaii. Well, on May 23rd, I more than accomplished goal #73 on my list when we went and picked out a 10 day old yellow lab. I have to say, she is one of the cutest things I have ever seen. We don't bring her home until the beginning of July and while I have been preparing myself for chewed couches, potty accidents, sleepless nights and all the other inconveniences that a puppy can bring, I am actually really excited about the long term benefits for my boys with having a dog.

Now, on to the stories. I am sure I am forgetting so many, but at least I am getting these down. About a week ago, the boys and I met the Wood girls to play softball. I am not good, nor do I claim to be good, so 11 pitches later, I finally hit the ball. Fast forward a couple of days. On the news is a story about a lady who was 87 and accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake running over a lady in a parking lot. The article said their was no impairment to which I commented, "except her age." Colton asked what impairment meant and what I meant and James explained to him that when you get old, you get slower and lose your reflexes and coordination. To which Colton replied, "like mom when we played softball?" Isn't that sweet? This is the same kid that asked me if I was going to join the Biggest Loser for my next diet and I had to explain to him that I only had 10-15 pounds to lose and that show was for people who had hundreds of pounds to lose. I think we need to work on his tact. :)

Then there is Dawson, my dear little exhibitionist. We had some friends over to play on the water slide and as they were walking into the bathroom to change, he barges past them, drops his drawers and uses the bathroom without skipping a beat. Did I mention our friends are 9 and 11 year old girls? So we have the talk with him about changing and using the restroom in private. About an hour later, the kids come in and the girls are getting ready to go into the bathroom to change. Even though I looked Dawson directly in the eye before he came in and told him to go into my room to change, he decided to do his own thing. He had gone into the bathroom and taken off his trunks, only he didn't have any clothes in there, so butt naked he opens the doors, says HI to the girls and takes off streaking down the hall. And then poor Caity goes, "Oh my!" I laughed so hard.

I wish I could remember more and that I had more time to sit here and rack my brain, but I am thankful for the couple memories I got out. :)

Family Camping and More

2010-05-16T18:32:00.000-07:00

When I met James 14 years ago, one of the first things I learned about him was that his family liked to go camping. This weekend we went on our annual family camping trip. They have been going to the same place since 1973! Once I get past the fact that it is a 4 hour drive each way and it means spending 36 straight hours with all of my in-laws, I actually tend to enjoy myself.

It is fun to watch the kids grow and remember the hikes and to hear some of the stories of what James did when he was a kid. It was extremely entertaining this time to watch Brian's dog Alpine dig from here to China trying to get all the little animals buried under the ground. It was even cute to watch Dawson carry around grubs that he dug up from the ground like they were his pet. (Of course I made him wash his hands twice before I would touch him, but it was cute to watch.)

When we come home from camping, we usually go out to dinner because everything is a mess and I am too tired to cook. So, tonight we headed out to dinner. When we pulled in the parking lot, the first thing my son noticed was the sticker of the silhouette of the naked woman on the car next to us. Then when we get out of the car, the truck next to us was blaring, "Porn Star" during the chorus. James and I just looked at each other. After dinner we managed to get behind two drivers in the middle of a road rage moment and Colton asked why they were yelling and waving their middle fingers at each other. So lovely.

The moral of the story for me is, although I may dread the family camping trips sometimes there are things to be learned.
1) Spend time with family when you can because you never know when it will be the last trip.
2) Let boys be boys. Get dirty, get messy and have fun.
3) Living in the woods may not be so bad...it would help me avoid having to explain a LOT!

Mother's Day Surprises

2010-05-09T15:00:00.000-07:00

This Mother's Day has been filled with surprises. Not the typical surprises like breakfast in bed or cards and flowers. Surprises like stomach bugs overtaking my house and my life.

We didn't have a lot planned today. One of the greatest gifts to me is to be able to just take a day off from everything. James was going to get bagels for breakfast on his way home from shift, we were going to watch movies, make a yummy dinner at home and just enjoy the day.

Instead, I got a phone call from him at 7am letting me know there would be no bagels. He got the bug and was on his way home and headed straight for bed. Not only was my day changed, but all of my not-so-favorite things became a part of it like dishes, laundry, and decontaminating the house (for the fourth time!)

This isn't exactly how I would choose to spend my Mother's Day, or any other day for that matter, but it does reinforce what is important. Mother's Day is not about all the hype. I am blessed to be a mother. I am lucky to have kids with hurts and illnesses to help and to love and to be loved by. There are many women in this world who would give anything to take care of kids with the flu if it just meant they got to have kids. I am lucky to have a husband to take care of (and that takes care of me) and to know I am not alone. I am lucky that my biggest health concern at this point is a little stomach bug that has inconvenienced me for a week. I am lucky that my mom is still around and that she is so involved in my life. I am blessed. And although this day looks nothing like I thought it might, it is a good day.

Another One Bites The Dust

2010-05-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

I am frustrated today and I am going to whine about it. Sunday night we went to our small group barbecue and everyone was feeling great and doing fabulous. Then, I woke up in the middle of the night sicker than a dog to my stomach. I thought it was food poisoning. I hoped it was food poisoning. I called a couple of the other families and no one was sick. Was that good or bad? I wasn't sure. I was down for the count for a couple of days, but everyone else seemed to be hanging in there.

Wednesday James went back on shift. Did I forget to mention he was on shift the night I got sick too? The good stuff only happens when he is gone. Anyways, I took the boys to football practice. Everyone was feeling great and doing good. I was even starting to have a little life come back. We went for dinner afterwards, showered and were off to sleep. Until 3:30am when Colton came in my room and then ran for the bathroom. Now he was sick. I wasn't sure if he had gotten it from me since it had been three days or if it may have come from another kid in his class that had left throwing up that day. All I knew was that I was back to bleaching the house and disliking my hubby's job at that particular moment.

I decided at that point, that he was just going to stay home Thursday and Friday from school to make sure he got better. Thursday night things were starting to look up for him. I was looking forward to trying to get a solid nights sleep and was super excited about going to Muffins for Mom with Dawson the next day. And then 2:30am came. And Dawson had his head in the toilet. Another one down. Seriously?

I was so upset. I was sad for him and Colton. No one likes to be sick. I was frustrated and I couldn't believe that it was going through the entire house. But overall, I was having a pity party for myself. I missed Muffins for Mom. This was my last Muffins for Mom. My baby is done with kindergarten and moving on. That in itself is emotional, but to miss the little moments along the way is just plain heartbreaking for me. Only having two boys means only having two shots. The first one is so special because it's the first and the last one is precious because it's the last.

When everyone is better, we are going to have our own Muffins for Mom and Dawson's teacher is so sweet that she said if I come into class on Monday they will sing for me one on one. Right now, I am just praying that since James has been lucky enough to be at work for most of the fun that he will also be lucky enough to escape this oh so fun stomach bug as well.

Dear Laundry

2010-04-23T07:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Laundry,
I strongly dislike you. While I am thankful that you are around to keep us warm at times and make us look cute at others, I really can't stand you. Almost every time you are around, I consider joining a nudest colony. I don't understand why you find it necessary to hide one little sock under the couch until I am completely caught up, almost as if you want to make sure I never run out of you.

I will never understand why you need attention every single day either. And if I happen to forget you or choose to ignore you, then you decide to ruin an entire day where all I can do is spend time with you. Is there nothing else you can do with your time than sit around and just wait for me?

I know that some of my friends actually like you and get a sense of accomplishment from spending time with you, but I don't. I wish you would visit their homes more and mine less, but because that most likely won't happen, we need to find some sort of middle ground. I will try to acknowledge you more, but please stop playing your tricks.

Until the dryer buzzer goes off,
Me

Dit

2010-04-06T17:30:00.000-07:00

Today when I went to get the kids from school, Dawson's teacher stopped to tell me about the day. I guess the kids were supposed to take letter blocks and make a word and then color a picture about it. Well Dawson made the word DIT.

Since it needed to be a real word, his teacher asked him if he thought that was a word. He said he did of course. So she told him, "Ok, then color me a picture to show what it is." He grabbed a black crayon and colored the entire paper black. When his teacher came back, she asked him what was going on. His reply was, "This is my picture of DIT. It is a Spanish word. It means really dark."

I have to give the kid credit. He very rarely stays on task at school and follows the actual directions, but he sure is creative when he wants to do things his own way. I just wonder how much longer his teachers will find it humorous.

On the other hand, I have my dear Colton whose dear teacher texted me Friday to say we needed to talk. To back track a little, on Thursday night I told Colton to do a pracitce spelling test to which he replied, "Mom, I'm good. I've got the words."

The first word on Friday's spelling test was 'probable.' Well I guess my son didn't "have it" because his teacher said someone in class piped up and said, "No fair, Colton is copying it off his list." Oh yes, my child pulled out his spelling list and started to copy the word.

Teacher: "Colton, you can't do that. That is cheating."
Colton: "Well I couldn't remember how to spell the word."
Teacher: "Then you need to study more." (ya think?!)
Colton: "So let me guess. You're gonna mark this one wrong?"

Seriously! This is not made up. This is my every day dealings with my children. Oh, the laugh lines are getting deep.

On a Roll...#77 check!

2010-03-19T21:14:00.000-07:00

This Spring Break has been great! As my kids get older, I find myself looking forward to their days off school. Instead of diaper bags and juggling nap time, they can go hours without food and carry on some pretty funny conversations with me. I actually think I would like to freeze this time in their lives before they get to the point where they are too cool to hang out with mom.

Since I already checked off the Renaissance Festival last weekend, I looked at my list again and decided to take the family ice skating today. It was so much fun! Of course when we first got on the ice, both boys said they were scared and Colton kept saying, "I can't do it." But they did it. Within 20 minutes, they were both skating on their own around the rink.

Colton stayed cautious and was frustrated the couple times he did fall. Dawson, on the other hand, thought falling was funny and skated the entire time looking like he was going to fall, making noises like he was going to fall, yet staying up most of the time. James even was enjoying it by the end, once he remembered how to skate.

After ice skating, we had a fun lunch at Johnny Rockets and it was just a good day. As James and I get ready to leave in 36 hours, I can't help but think about the what-ifs while we are gone. But, one thing is for sure. We made the most of our spring break. We made some great family memories. And, I am looking forward to this summer when the boys are out of school and we can make some more.

10 Years Ago

2010-03-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago, I had no idea what my life would hold. I was young, in love and living in the moment. There were no worries, lots of sleeping in and Sunday breakfasts out reading the paper from front to back. There was spontaneity, rash decisions, and plenty of money.

Looking back over the past ten years there has been tears, heartache, pain, worry, financial concerns, sleepless nights, job changes, and children (need I say more.)

BUT, there has also been laughter...so much laughter, happiness, lots of vacations, joy, pride, cuddle time on the couch, family movie nights, dog piles, dancing in the kitchen, and more laughter.

I could have never planned out any of the past ten years. Most of it happened by circumstance rather than choice. But, as the circumstances have happened, what we have chose it to find the positive and keep going. We are a stronger couple and a better couple than we were ten years ago. And, although I would like to plan the next ten years, I think I am okay with just sitting back and seeing where we go.

#68 is checked off the list

2010-03-13T20:59:00.000-08:00

Today we went to the Renaissance Festival. I have never been, which is why it made my list of things to do. I don't really know what I was expecting it to be. I guess I thought of men in kilts and women pouring out of their tops and it was definitely that, but it was more than that too.

When I first brought it up to James, he was not thrilled. I am sure he could have come up with a million things to do that did not include and hour and a half drive across town, dropping $100 and the unknown. But, because I am married to an awesome guy, he agreed to go.

Once we made it through the traffic (the last 15 minutes made me want to poke my eyes out) everything else went smoothly. We saw a juggling show, a jousting show, and a hypnotist along with lots of other things. Some of the things we saw that we weren't anticipating was five lesbian couples and a 6'2" cross-dresser. We saw a guy wearing a shirt that said, "Please tell your boobs to stop looking at my eyes" too which was pretty funny.

The humor was a little crude in the shows and I worried a couple of times about what my kids were hearing and seeing, but overall it was a successful day. The food was yummy and if I wasn't leaving for Hawaii in 8 days, I probably would have tried even more. The boys loved it. Colton asked within the first hour if we could go again next year. Overall, I am glad I went and that I get to check another "outside the box" thing off my list. Huzzah!

Kaboom!

2010-03-09T16:39:00.000-08:00

We have a crazy life and because of that we haven't taken the plunge into having a dog or any other 'real' pet. What we do have is a fish tank with 3 fish and a frog in it. Today I was on the phone with a friend when Colton came running in to tell me that Dawson fed the frog for the second time today and that he fed him too much. I nicely told Dawson that that wasn't a good idea and not to do it again. Of course he asked "Why?"

Me: "Because the frog can eat to much and die."
Dawson: "You mean he will explode?"
Colton: "Yep, Dawson. He will explode."
Dawson: "Then what about the fish?"
Me: "They will probably die too."

At this point he is quiet, making a couple "hmm" noises. I am thinking that we are getting through. And then he pipes up and says, "Kaboom!"

I love that he is so concerned about animals. :)

Ewww, love

2010-02-22T19:27:00.000-08:00

Today, Dawson had speech and his therapist asked him who he loved. The conversation was funny to say the least.

ST: "Who do you love?"
Dawson: "Ewww. I don't love anyone!."
ST: "Don't you love your mom, dad and Colton?"
Dawson: "No, I like them a lot, but love is gross."
ST: "Wouldn't you miss your mom and be sad if something happened."
Dawson: "Yeah, I guess. Then we couldn't play any more 4 player games."

Yep, that's it. That is what I count for in the house. Being the fourth player in a 4 player game.

And, just so I don't forget...last week he was supposed to be reading his sight word book in class. He told the teacher he didn't want to do it and she told him to do it anyways. When she came back around the class to see how everyone was doing, she found Dawson not reading. Why? Because he glued his book shut. Oh yeah. My outside the box thinker showed her.

What am I going to do with this child?

On my way...

2010-02-21T14:45:00.001-08:00

I hit some of my accomplishments today.

I have finally lost 10 pounds without depriving myself. I didn't think it would happen today either because I had the most delicious piece of birthday cake yesterday at a party, but it did. This is the happiest I have ever been losing weight. Of course, this is the longest it has ever taken for me to lose weight, but I am doing it in a way in which I hopefully won't regain it.

Typically when I decide to lose weight, I diet. I eat everything in sight the day before the diet starts. Then, I complain and am mean to my family for the first week. Then I see that I lost weight and hang on for another week. Then I decide to "reward" myself for doing so good and gain everything back in one meal and give up. That obviously was not working.

This time, I have eaten absolutely everything I have wanted. I have had chocolate covered pretzels, red velvet cake, birthday cake, chips and dip, and gone out to eat a ton of times. Nothing has changed, except for the amount of food I eat. Now instead of plowing through a 3,000 calorie meal all at once, I am taking some home for lunch the next day. But, I am still eating everything and I have been much happier this time.

The other thing that has helped with the weight coming off is that I finally have worked out at least 4 times a week for the past 2 months. That helps for two reasons. Of course, exercise burns off some of what I am eating, but it also makes it SO much easier for me to not eat the whole plate when I know I just spent 55 minutes turning shades of purple and dying as I hiked up a mountain.

I am excited. But, I am nervous too. I still have more weight that I would like to lose. And I have Hawaii in four weeks and would like to not pile it all back on in one trip.

For now though, I am not going to focus on the negatives or the what-ifs. Right now, I am crossing off goal #7 and #74 and am feeling good about it.

Hard Life Lessons

2010-02-12T20:20:00.000-08:00

Today has been an emotional one. I started out just having a rough morning and then tonight my doorbell rang. It was the neighbor boys. Eight months ago, my neighbors took in their extended family after they lost their home. They had five kids.

It didn't take long and pretty soon all the kids got along. Colton really loved the two oldest brothers who were his age. They were outside six, if not seven, days a week for hours on end playing football and riding scooters. James and I would get upset sometimes because Colton would rather play with the boys than spend time with the family.

Yesterday, Colton and one of the neighbors both got "Character of the Month" at school. As we were getting ready to go to dinner as a family, he asked if we could invite the next door boy. I said sure and right now and so thankful for that dinner.

When I opened the door tonight, the boys told me they were moving to Texas in a hour. I couldn't believe it until I walked out and saw a small U-haul trailer behind their old beat up car. Each of the five kids only had a backpack and a small amount of clothes. No toys, no mementos. They packed a family of seven in two hours and left.

I am so frustrated with the parents. They are extremely selfish. They are moving because they were too lazy to get jobs and the family told them they had until the end of the school year. Instead, they upped and left today.

My boys have cried all night. I have cried all night. My heart breaks for those kids. I worry for those kids. And I am sad for my kids who just lost their "first best friends" as Dawson says. I keep telling Colton that it wasn't the kids choice and that sometimes parents make decisions that aren't always the best. It is a hard life lesson. He wants to write them and call and I wish he could, but for now they will be living out of their car somewhere.

Life just doesn't make sense...

Speechless

2010-02-09T21:15:00.000-08:00

Often in life there is that one person who leaves you speechless after they say something. Sometimes it is funny, sometimes there is disbelief, sometimes you just don't know how to follow the comment. For me that is my dear Dawson.

Although he is only 5, when I repeat some of the stories to people, I always hear the comment, "you should write a book." Well, I can guarantee that is not in my future, but I do want to remember some of the things he has said. Of course, they are never as funny in print as hearing them, but I hope that when I look back, I will hear his voice saying them and smile.

The most recent happened tonight. James and I went out to a movie and the neighbor's fiance came over to watch the boys for us. When we got home she told us that when the boys were supposed to be brushing their teeth, she kept hearing Dawson scream, "it's impossible!" After a couple times, she went to see what he was talking about and turned the corner to find both of my children trying to lick their elbows. I am so proud. :)

Also, tonight my when Dawson was in the shower, we found him with shaving cream on his eyebrows getting ready to "shave" them because he said he saw me, "pulling mine out." I explained to him that only girls do that and the boys are supposed to have all of their eyebrows.

Then there was last weekend when James took me away for an overnight getaway. The boys didn't know it was coming either (he thought they'd blow the surprise) so we were a little worried about how they did. When we got home, I gave Dawson a big hug and told him how much I missed him to which he replied, "I didn't miss you." Knowing he likes dad more than me, that didn't surprise me much, but then he piped up and said, "but don't worry, I didn't miss dad either." Fabulous.

Then there is the incidents (yep, more than one) that involve my boys, scissors and their clothes. Last year, Colton cut a hole in the leg of his shorts. For no particular reason. Three weeks ago, he came home from school and had cut a slit in the leg of his shorts. I guess he is practicing restraint. Last week though, Dawson came home and had cut a hole in his jeans. Only his was a little more obvious. When I picked him up from school, all I could see were his underwear. Oh yeah, he cut a quarter size hole right in the crotch of his jeans. Then there was today. We walk in the door from school and had this conversation:

Dawson: "_____ said you can't cut shoelaces and I told him yes you could."
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Dawson: " ______ said you can't cut shoelaces and I said yes you can. Then he said 'no' and I told him uh-huh."

Right about this time, he is taking off his shoes and untying them only to hand me half of his shoelace.

Dawson: "See ______ cut my shoelace to show me they cut."

Great, now it's not even my own kids cutting their own clothes. They are letting other children in class practice their tailoring skills on them.

The best and worst part is that Dawson has no idea. He is in his own little happy world where none of this matters. He doesn't get half of what he says or does and I think that is the part that makes it even more endearing. I have had such a rough week with looking at his future and trying to decide what path is best for him to take and this just makes me sit back and smile. He is God's son. He is exactly who he is supposed to be. He leaves me speechless most days. And I wouldn't change it if I could!

Blessed with a Wonderful Husband

2010-02-01T14:50:00.000-08:00

There are so many days that I truly take my husband for granted. This weekend he surprised me with a wonderful getaway up north for the night and arranged for the kids to be taken care of and even had friends waiting for us when we got there. It was amazing and I am so thankful for that night, but it got me thinking about how many little things he does that I don't acknowledge often enough.

-He gets up with the boys in the morning and gets them breakfast so I can have an extra 15 minutes to sleep. (As a matter of fact, he used to get them up and change them when they were babies before he brought them in to me to nurse.)

-He cleans the house all the time. I have only mopped one time in 11 years.

-He works his tail off so that I can stay home with the boys.

-He lets me have girl time any time I tell him I need it and never complains about being with the kids instead of out with the guys.

-He makes a delicious dinner and has no problem using every pot we own and then washing them when he is done.

-Above all, he is faithful, honest, caring and very funny!!

I know there are many other things he does that I am not even thinking about right now. The ones I listed are all things he has done or is doing this week alone. I am not sure what God was thinking when he crossed our paths, but I am thankful to be blessed with a wonderful husband!

I Did It!!

2010-01-23T15:55:00.000-08:00

Oh my! I am so overwhelmed with emotion right now. I am so proud of myself. I am in such disbelief that I actually did it.

I RAN 30 MINUTES WITHOUT STOPPING!!
(this will have to work since I can't afford to sky-write it)

I cannot begin to explain what an unattainable goal this seemed like when I put it on my list. I hate exercise. I have a really bad knee. I have the poorest cardio for anyone I have ever met under 70 years old. And I had every excuse in the book to not even try it.

I started thinking it might be reachable last week when I made it 15 minutes. Then three days later I made it 20 minutes. That day though, I was back to being purple and lightheaded and thought I might need to go a little slower towards my goal. That was until this afternoon.

Yesterday, I shared my goal with a friend and told her how hard I was trying. She told me how she struggled at running also. And then today she posted on Facebook how she had just gotten home from the gym and running for 30 minutes. Wait a minute. Isn't this my goal? Anyways, maybe I needed to have a fire lit under my butt to do it, but I DID IT!

The first 15 minutes weren't bad. By 20, my head was actually so hot, I thought it was going to catch on fire. I know all the blood was rushing to it and begging it to stop, but I kept going. I even saw spots the last two minutes, but seriously, who is going to stop at 28 minutes? I know that this entire post seems like I am bragging, but for anyone who knows me, I am very negative towards myself and I am actually proud of myself for a change and it feels good!!

And since I am crossing goals off my list, I also accomplished #26. I not only learned how to use my MP3 player, it helped me achieve #51. Yeah me!

Small Accomplishments

2010-01-17T19:00:00.000-08:00

I am changing as I get older. I am still regimented and scheduled, but I am realizing life is too short to be so legalistic. I am liking my new found approach to things. I feel more relaxed. I have slown down (although not as much as I need to.) And along the way, I am making baby steps to the bigger, long-term goals I have set.

This morning, I hit the five pound mark. I have yo-yo dieted for over 4 years. I never struggled really with weight until after I had Dawson. I don't know if it was a hormone disaster because his pregnancy was complicated or what, but man has the weight liked my butt ever since. Three and a half years ago, I weighed 30 pounds less than I did at the first of this year. I am not talking about what I weighed when I got married 10 years ago, I am talking three years ago. Before Dawson was diagnosed, before the long days of therapy, before the medic school, before my hysterectomy, before the many life changes that have taken place. All of which, I have eaten myself through.

So this time I have approached it differently. If I am craving something, I will eat it. Not the entire batch of brownies (although there was one day when I was upset and polished off a bag of chips with dip) but just enough to satisfy the craving. I notice a difference in how fast I get full. And finally today I lost five pounds. It's not a ton, it's definitely not 30, but it's something and that makes me happy.

I also am halfway to crossing a goal off my list. For some reason, probably because I am horribly out of shape, I have always wanted to be able to run. I drive down the street and see people running and I always am envious. I wished I liked to exercise. I wish my legs didn't turn to jello when I tried to run and my chest feel like a 400 pound man was sitting on it because I am so out of breath, I can't breathe.

When I started watching my diet a little better, I also decided to bite off a little of the exercise thing. I got on my treadmill and ran a whole two minutes. Yes, I said two. And I thought I was going to die. I was purple. I was sweaty. I was pathetic. But I resolved to add 30 seconds to it each time I got on and today I actually ran 15 entire minutes without stopping. Or dying. And I was only pink, not purple. It wasn't a half marathon, but it was something. And most importantly I was proud of myself. That doesn't happen very often for me. But it happened today and today I am celebrating small accomplishments.

From Bad to Worse

2010-01-03T06:28:00.000-08:00

My New Year started out great. The boys stayed up, we had apple cider and played Monopoly until midnight, watched the ball drop and went to bed. Things were already looking good.

When we woke up, I was sitting next to Colton on the couch and he told me his New Year's Resolution was to fight with Dawson less. I told him that was a good one. Then he asked me what mine was. I didn't want to bore him with all of them, so I told him that I wanted to slow down and enjoy the family more. To which he replied, "Oh, I thought it would be something like yell less." That's great.

Later in the day, my mom came over to watch the boys so James and I could go to a movie. As we were sitting in the theater waiting for the movie to start, he looked over at me and said, "I think this is going to be a good year for us." Then we spent the next 2 1/2 hours wanting to poke our eyes out because the movie was not good at all. I actually even fell asleep for almost 20 minutes of it.

At this point, my day is not going nearly as well as it had started at midnight, but I am still in a good mood and laughing about the previous incidents. So, James and I headed off to the mall to do some exchanges. On Black Friday, at 4am when all judgement is hazy, I bought him a shirt and pair of shoes that I really liked. Because the shirt was on sale for such a good deal, I bought a large and an XL because I wasn't sure what he'd need. When I came home, I looked and every shirt in his closet that style was a large, so I was planning on returning the other. However, I had a girlfriend come over one day for a playdate and showed her the shirt. She loved it and asked if she could buy the XL from me. Feeling confident in his size, I said sure and sold her the shirt. Then on Christmas morning, James tried on the shirt only to find out the sleeves were a little too short. He suggested an XL and all I could do was giggle. Now, we were in the store looking for and XL. But, everything was clearanced and gone. I guess January 1st is when they start moving in summer clothes (crazy.) There were no shirts above a medium and none the style I had gotten or he liked. Just to add to the fun, the shoes I had gotten him were 1/2 size too big and they didn't have his size in those either, nor could they order them. So we left the store with a credit on the credit card, no shoes, no shirt and a feeling of disbelief that I actually had the right shirt in hand and yet gave it away.

Then we went to a nice dinner and ended the night on a positive note. Lord knows, I couldn't let it stay on the course it was. This is going to be a good year!

101 Goals Update

2010-01-01T17:25:00.000-08:00

I am 365 days into my 101 goals in 1,001 days. There are some things I have realized about my list. First, unless I rob a bank, I will not accomplish every goal. In hindsight, I wish I had put more personal goals on there and less home improvement goals that require money. Second, I have been close to a number of these goals, but do to a lack of willpower, still haven't achieved them.

It is good for me to have this list to look at, see what I have done, what I haven't and if money is not the issue, why I haven't done it. So with 636 days left, I will see what I manage to get through.

By September 28, 2011 I would like to
1. Go to Hawaii for my 10 year anniversary - This is booked 3/21-3/29 and I am SO excited!
2. Take my kids to Disney World - a possibility for summer vacay 2011
3. Go on a missions trip - still want to do this, but I think I want to wait until I can take Colton next year
4. Put wood floors in my house
5. Organize my photos - I did it, but have yet to print any new ones or keep up.
6. Keep a regular journal (or blog) - not as much as I would like, but I am so thankful for the memories I have down.
7. Work out consistently 3 to 4 times a week for 2 months - let's hope I achieve this with my I resolution
8. Read through the entire bible
9. Make it back to Colorado to visit
10. Organize the house and keep it that way for 30 days - maybe once my boys have moved out
11. Spend more quality time with the kids - there has been more of this, but not as often as I would like
12. Do a media fast for 3 days
13. Live within James' firefighting paycheck
14. Create a realistic housekeeping plan and stick to it
15. Go to a marriage conference
16. Hike the Grand Canyon
17. Take the kids skiing - one of my best days ever! Hope to do it again this year.
18. Organize the garage (possibly getting cabinets) - totally should have been on my hubby's list
19. Purge items we will never use again - did it, did it again and realized this is a revolving goal
20. Go on a cruise
21. Share my faith with a stranger
22. Keep the office clutter free for a month - I can't even do it for a day
23. Set up a homework routine for the kids
24. Do 25 random acts of kindness
25. Adopt an entire family for Christmas - we missed the deadline this year and did Angel Tree, hopefully next year
26. Learn how to use my MP3 player - still in the box
27. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
28. Figure out how to record home movies to DVD using my computer
29. Create a mission family statement and frame it
30. Purchase furniture for the front room
31. Install a fireplace
32. Get new countertops
33. Replace the bathtubs and showers in both bathrooms
34. Tile the kitchen, bathrooms and laundry room - see what I mean about robbing a bank?
35. Repaint the garage floor
36. Redo the master bedroom closet incorporating our old dresser
37. Stop swearing - my N of resolution
38. Let the kids make most of the decisions for an entire day
39. Have ice cream for dinner - we did this and I ate my while driving 75 mph on southbound I-17 home from Flagstaff. Not safe, but fun!
40. Go to a 4th of July display and sit up close to the action.
41. Do a devotional every day with the kids for a month
42. Stick to a skin care regimen
43. Redo breast augmentation
44. Find the perfect fitting bra
45. Do 100 sit ups for 30 days straight
46. Work up to being able to do 20 regular push ups (as opposed to the 5 girl ones I can do now)
47. Floss daily for 2 weeks - pathetic, but still haven't made it a full 2 weeks, some nights I am just too tired
48. Have a date once a week while the kids are in school for an entire month - this was thrown off a little by James breaking his foot, so hopefully we can start
49. Take family hikes on the weekend
50. Organize the junk drawer and get it down to drawer
51. Jog for 30 minutes straight
52. Make all 3 meals a day at home for an entire month
53. Have a great party
54. Pray every day for 30 days
55. Join another women's bible study - I love Beth Moore.
56. Make a great friend
57. Be more joyful - always trying
58. Don't worry about ANYTHING for 1 week - I don't know what I was thinking when I came up with this, I am way to Type A for this I think
59. Learn to accept my in-laws (siblings too) for who they are and appreciate their quirks - still a work in progress
60. Lead my mom back to Christ
61. See my dad
62. Redo the boys bedrooms and make them friendly and usable
63. Get the boys a laptop computer - almost happened this year for Christmas, but not yet
64. Take a 2 night getaway from the kids yearly
65. Make a point of having a special day with each boy at least 3 times a year
66. Pull the kids out of school one day just to do something fun - and skiing was fun!
67. Go to another Suns game
68. Go to the Renaissance Festival - I have to convince James of this one
69. Watch the sunset with James on the beach - did it in Carlsbad last year with the boys to and still have Maui
70. Don't plan or schedule anything for 72 entire hours. Fly by the seat of my pants! - maybe over summer break
71. Camp out in the back yard as a family
72. Stay off the phone, not even answering it, for 48 hours
73. Consider getting a dog - still considering
74. Lose 10 pounds and keep it off without depriving myself, just controlling myself
75. Go on a shopping spree when I have maintained my body for 30 days - the money is reserved and waiting
76. Don't drink any caffeine for 30 days
77. Go ice skating with the family
78. Go horseback riding as a family
79. Let my husband lead
80. Organize old momentos
81. Go to a tree lighting ceremony
82. Go the Phoenix First Assembly Christmas service
83. Go to the APS light parade
84. Rent a boat and take the boys to the lake for a day
85. Do the Hoover Dam tour
86. Recycle to the best of my abilities for 1 week
87. Meet our neighbors - I am meeting more of them
88. Learn to play the drums
89. Trade in James' jeep for a 4 door truck - right after I plant the money tree in the backyard
90. Make sure James has 1 free day a month to do whatever he wants - I am happy he has these and know he appreciates it
91. Go to lunch with a girlfriend once a month for 3 months - did it, but it fell off...need to start again
92. Get a professional massage (since my favorite place went out of business)
93. Get a facial
94. Stain the kitchen cabinets and put the knobs we bought 6 months ago on them - now it is 18 months
95. Finish armorie
96. Figure out a good place for the video games
97. Have family game night twice a month - Monopoly is helping with this
98. Take the kids to the driving range and/or golfing - does goofy golf count?
99. Scrapbook
100. Look at the word of the day on KLOVE everyday
101. Be content with my life...even if I don't accomplish anything on the list

I have a long way to go and an excuse for everything not accomplished, but if anything I think I am closer to goal 101 and that's all that matters.

Resolutions

2009-12-31T07:21:00.000-08:00

Since it is New's Years Eve and all, I thought I'd better come up with some resolutions. After last weekend at church though, a couple of mine have changed. It made me think about the viewpoint taken when making, breaking or fulfilling resolutions.

So here are my 2010 resolutions using the acrostic RESOLUTION:

R-read the bible more
I would like to say every day, but I also want to achieve these goals, so more it is.

E-engage and enjoy my kids more
I don't want to miss any more of the little moments that make me so happy.

S-slow down
This is a big one for me. At least one night a week, I want nothing to be on the calendar.

O-obey God
There are many areas I bend the rules where I know better and I want to stop.

L-laugh more, love more
I love to laugh and want to love others better.

U-use my time wisely
This may include quitting facebook, but I need to stop wasting so much time.

T-treat my family better
I want to show my husband the respect I have for him and show my boys how much I love them instead of just telling them.

I-invest in my body
I need to take better care of myself, so each day I want to make sure I have 10 minutes of some sort of exercise.

O-own my boundaries
Part of slowing down is going to be owning the boundaries I set up for myself and learning to say no.

N-no more swearing
This has been a goal each and every year and this year I hope to achieve it.

Bedtime

2009-12-30T23:02:00.000-08:00

Bedtime has changed in our house over the years. The kids have always been tucked in by one of us and for the most part stayed in their beds all night. We used to have the "midnight rule" where if one of the kids was scared or not feeling good, they could come in our bed as long as it was after midnight. Colton only did this a handful of times and Dawson hasn't done it since he was about 3 years old.

Now the kids sleep soundly through the night and get ready for bed on their own. They still like a book and a back rub, but bedtime is usually fairly easy. For some reason though, Dawson has been asking to sleep with us a lot lately. We always turn him down and he falls asleep on his own, but the other night I caved.

Dawson: "Can I please sleep with you tonight?"
Me: "No honey, we all have our own beds."
Dawson: "Well how come Daddy gets to sleep with you?"
Me: "Because that is his bed too."
Dawson: "Well how about I keep you company while dad is at work."

Fine, whatever. I let him sleep with me. James came back home the next morning and for the past two nights, Dawson went right to sleep in his own bed. Tonight, however, James was back on shift.

Dawson: "Can I keep you company again?"
Me: "No. You need to sleep in your own bed. You can come get me if you need something."
Dawson: "Okay, but will you lay with me for a minute."

So, I get in his bed and close my eyes. I open my eyes only to find him staring at me. I told him to close his eyes and go to sleep or I was going to leave. Then I closed my eyes again for a couple minutes and when I opened them again, he was still staring at me. I told him for the last time to close his eyes. To which he responded, in a whisper:

"I sleep with my eyes open."

We both giggled, I left the room and he fell right asleep. He is so funny sometimes.

Then Colton did something funny. When I was getting ready for bed, two hours later, he must have heard me. I peeked in his room to make sure he was sleeping and found him sitting on the floor pulling out his clothes for the day.

Me: "Honey, what are you doing?"
Colton: "Getting dressed."
Me: "Colton, it is 10:30 at night. Don't get dressed, get back in bed."
Colton: "Well how should I know! It's always dark lately."

So once again I laughed, got him back in bed and now I am heading there myself with a smile on my face. My boys are pretty darn cute.

Whirlwind December

2009-12-23T20:47:00.000-08:00

This has been a jam-packed month with tons of stress and tons of fun. The beginning started out with James working 8 out of 10 days at the fire station since he was finally released back to duty from his broken toe and we needed all the overtime he could get.

Next came the Christmas parties and my birthday. Then the fun really started up. We took the boys to Greer, AZ to the North Pole Experience. It was so much fun, although we weren't so sure when we pulled up. We have done the Polar Express twice and that was our only point of reference so we when saw an old trolley car called the "Candy Cane Express" as opposed to a giant train, we were worried. Then they sent us on a wild goose chase to find our cabin which resulted in us getting the van stuck down a snowy hill and James sliding down on his butt, which the kids and I got a giggle out of. The actual experience was great though. The kids got to make toys in the elves workshop, drink cocoa and eat cookies, have class in the elves school, and had a ton of one-on-one time with Santa. This may be the last year Colton believes, so I was so happy we were able to do it.

One day after getting home from Greer, we headed for Disneyland. Crazy...both financially and mentally, but once again extremely fun. It was the busiest it has ever been when we were there, but we tried new rides and saw priceless expressions on the boys faces. Then we came home with 12 minutes to spare before my mom's entire side of the family showed up to celebrate Christmas at our house. Tons of people, big messes, but it's family.

Maybe it's because my parents divorced when I was little and I didn't get the family vacation experience. Maybe it's because I have had a number of friends lose close family members this year and I realize that when it is all said and done all you have are the memories. Maybe, I am just addicted to vacationing and justify them because I don't spend money on other thinks like drinking or smoking. Whatever the reason, I like my adventures, big and small, stressful and fun and yes, I already have the next one planned. :)

15 weeks and counting

2009-12-06T06:21:00.000-08:00

This morning I realized there are exactly 15 weeks until I get on a plane and fly to Hawaii to celebrate my 10 year anniversary with my hubby. This has almost sent me into panic mode. There is so much to be done!

First and foremost, I need to get me under control. A little over 3 years ago, I was 25 pounds lighter than I am today, and while I don't need to lose every pound of it to be happy, I need to get it under control. My problem is that I put the weight on at stressful times: when Dawson was diagnosed, when James went through medic school and most recently when James was home for 18 weeks with a broken toe/foot. It is a huge goal and one I hope I don't regret, but I am truly aiming for 1 pound per week before we go. At least then I will have pictures of the trip, otherwise, all the memories will be in my head. :)

Secondly, I need to get my mouth and my parenting under control. God forbid something happen to me or my kids during my trip and the lasting impression is not what I want it to be. Sure, we have great memories, fun activities and great vacations, but we also have lots of me blowing my top and saying inappropriate things out of frustration. I have got to find a way to curb that! I have tried and tried and I have realized that I have been relying on myself to do it and instead need to just drop to my knees and ask for help. I pray with all my heart that I will be the mother (and wife) I desire to be before the next 15 weeks pass.

Thirdly, holy paperwork! I have not printed a picture since Jan 2007. I need to get that done. Our will is outdated and we need to change our guardian for the kids (different reasons for different people at different ages in their life.) I need to get a new driver's license. I know that sounds weird, but 10 years ago when I got mine, it was in a batch where the pictures faded. So now instead of a picture, my face is just a blob of ink and the last time I went to the bank they wanted another picture ID. I need to file paperwork and taxes. I need to spend some serious time in the office!

I am sure there is a lot more that I need to do, but those are the ones that stick out. For instance, I know I need to go to the doc for anxiety meds because as excited as I am to take the trip, I am freaking out about the flight! I just cannot believe that time is flying so fast, that I only have 15 weeks and that my hubby has tolerated me for 10 years. :)

Can Today Be Opposite Day?

2009-11-19T14:09:00.000-08:00

I remember when I was kid I used to love playing the opposite game. You could have so much fun changing things around. That is what I would like to do with my day today...change things around.

Colton has been sick again for the past couple of days. This is his 7th prolonged fever in 4 months. Granted, one was for the H1N1 flu and one was from pneumonia, but that still leaves 5 fevers. Fevers with a headache, stomach ache and sometimes a sore throat. And each time the doctor swabs for strep and each time it comes out negative. It is becoming altogether frustrating.

Monday, he went to the nurse with a headache, but the fever hadn't started yet. Tuesday the fever came, we went to the doc and all tests were negative. Wednesday the fever stayed. Today the doctor called and told me she wants us to go see an immunologist and try to figure out what is going on. It is not as though he is getting different viruses like a normal kid. He seems to have the exact symptoms each and every time. While I was on the phone with her, she started asking me questions and wanted to know what his throat looked like. I told her I thought it was fine, we had just been in there less than 48 hours prior. But when I looked inside, I almost died. His one tonsil was so swollen that is was pushing the little dangly thing in the back of his throat to the other side and it was covered in puss pockets. She told me to bring him in right away.

When we got there, she looked him over and told me that he still didn't have strep but what he did have was an abscessed tonsil. How in the world you get one of those, I still don't know, but he has it. And now he has medication for it and hopefully he will go back to school tomorrow.

In the midst of him staying home from school, I missed my hair appointment today. This is the 2nd time I have had to reschedule it because of sick kids too. And I am sad. I have been feeling extremely frumpy and for some reason, having my hair done makes me feel pretty and this is just one of those days where I desperately needed to feel pretty. But instead, I still feel frumpy and fat and so I had 5 candy bars from Halloween to add to the problem. Not good.

Then there is Dawson. His teacher asked me if I would like to call another IEP to address some of his behaviors that are coming back. Behaviors that have been gone since he left the 3 year old preschool, but they are back. He is back to humming when stressed. Not a happy little tune, but a loud drone that sounds like an air conditioning unit waiting to explode. He is also twirling and flapping and just out of control. It is so hard too because this is such an unstructured time of year at school that I don't know how much of a factor that is playing in all of this. There are plays and days off and Turkey Trots and Jingle Bell Jogs and class parties and all sorts of things. What there is not is consistency which he so desperately needs. So I am feeling defeated and blaming myself and frustrated with all of this too.

Finally, my dear James and his stupid broken toe. If I had known 17 weeks ago that it would still not be healed, I would have considered cutting it off. Not seriously, but that is how I feel. At his last appointment, the doc said she was not comfortable releasing him to the truck because she wasn't sure how stable it would be if he had to jump out of bed for a call. So she held him another 10 days and he went in today for his release. However, on the way there, he found out that he is not working enough time before Thanksgiving for holiday pay so it is better to stay on the 40 hour week and have the time off for free. Now his official back to work day is November 30th. November 30th for an injury that happened on July 26th. And he is not even pain free and we have lost over $800 on holiday pay while he has been in the office.

So, yes, I would like for today to be opposite day. I would like for my kids to be happy and healthy and not have to have outside therapies. I would like for my hubby to be pain free and back to the fire truck and get an occasional overtime shift. I would like to have pretty hair and feel good about myself.

But since that isn't the hand I was dealt, it looks like I better end the pity party, pull myself up by my bootstraps and hang on. This is my life. It could be better, but I know it could be worse and at least I have a great family to look back and laugh about it with.

Lying, Stealing and Touchdowns

2009-11-13T21:26:00.000-08:00

I think I have officially lost all control with my kids and today did nothing but affirm that my parenting needs to be questioned at best.

My day started by taking Dawson to school early to return the magnets to his teacher that he stole from class the day before. Yes, he took 7 blue star magnets, stuffed them in his pocket, came home, put them on the fridge, and apparently played with them for a while before I even noticed that they weren't ours. When I asked him where they were from, he plainly replied, "school." As if this is no big deal. This, of course, is coming from my son who five-fingered a Superman toy off the bus last year without their knowledge or mine and when I asked him if he took it, he told me, "Yep, I sneaked it in my backpack!" I do not know what to do about this either. Because Dawson is Dawson, I truly don't think he "gets" what he is doing. Not that that excuses it by any means, but I think that for him it is more about seeing what he can get away with than the actual stealing and wanting to keep of an object. This theory of mine is supported too by the fact that he has also brought home post-it notes with random information that his teacher has dropped on the floor.

So, I make it through that and then there is my dear Colton who seems to be testing the "little white lie" to the max. That child will not stop with the most ridiculous lies ever. They aren't big, the aren't about important stuff and yet he keeps telling them. Dumb things like not finishing everything to eat and throwing it away instead of just being honest. Or telling us he used the bathroom before football even though he didn't so he wouldn't be late to the game once we got there. Really minor and senseless things, but when do the little lies grow. I just feel out of control.

I feel so out of control, that tonight I once again earned my Mother of the Year award when I told my children that they could keep lying and stealing and maybe we could get them a shared room at the juvenile facility they will end up in. Seriously, I know it is not that bad. I just don't know where to go. I have spanked, I have pulled privileges, I even made Colton pay me for the food he lied about wasting and still I get no where.

Which leads me to tonight. By time we got to football, I was so frustrated I told Colton's coach he had to sit out the first 5 minutes of the game, to which his reply was, "Sorry, but this is my territory." So against my wishes and better judgment, Colton played the entire game and even scored the winning touchdown. Then we go to Dawson's game and he scored a touchdown too. It is so wonderful to watch the boys do something they love, to see how proud they are of themselves when they accomplish something great, to see them as part of a team. Now if I can just get everything else under control, it will all be fine. Right?

Trick or Treat

2009-10-31T20:56:00.000-07:00

Halloween. The candy, the costumes, the sugar highs, the meltdowns. Who doesn't love it, right?

Three weeks ago, I took the boys out shopping for Halloween costumes. Every year I have only one stipulation and that is that they have to be "themed." I know it is terrible, but I was an only child and lonely and they are my kids and that is my form of torture. So one year they were firefighters, one year was Batman and Robin, one year was Scooby Doo and Shaggy and last year was Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker. My only other stipulation this year was that they couldn't be Star Wars people again. Well, after an hour at the costume store and many arguments, we left with Captain Rex and Commander Cody costumes. Both Star Wars Clone people...whatever, I didn't have the energy.

So tonight, at 5:15pm, as we are getting ready to get dressed, Colton tells me that he doesn't want to be his Clone Trooper guy and that he wants to be a football player and just wear his uniform from last nights game. Well, that would have been a fine idea three weeks ago, but after the fits thrown at the party place to be these stupid Star Wars guys, there was no way I was going to let him out of it.

We finally got dressed and headed out. Of course, since James is on his hunting trip, my mom came over to help me out with the kids and I must say, she loved every single minute of the boys being difficult. She almost starts to glow when they give me grief. I think it makes her feel like she is getting even with me for the amount of grief I put her through.

It was a beautiful night and I must say, Dawson is at my favorite age for trick-or-treating. Except, I am not sure he entirely gets the concept. There were a number of people this year who left their doors open since the weather was so nice. My dear child, walked right on into those houses and loudly said, "Trick or Treat!" It didn't matter how many times I told him to only go up to the door, he kept going right in. Then I saw somebody post on Facebook tonight how strange it is that for 364 days a year we tell our kids not to talk to strangers and then on Halloween, we encourage it. Things that make you go "hmmm."

We made it home with enough candy to feed a small village and the kids are now passed out in bed. I guess it's time for me to go pick out and hide my favorites. :) Happy Halloween!

What a Crazy October!

2009-10-28T20:08:00.000-07:00

This has been a doozy of a month. Actually, most of it has been a blur. But the parts I remember are going to be recapped in whatever words I can muster to type.

The month started fairly uneventful considering we were just coming off Pix-O surgery. James was incredibly busy with work and was in charge of the Engineer's test since his toe was still broken and he was still on a 40 hour week in the office. So there we are, going along, minding our own business when Colton wakes up the morning after the pumpkin patch with a fever. Not just your run of the mill fever, but a crazy, high, came out of nowhere fever. I tried to medicate him throughout the day and at one point he actually told me, "it was the worst he ever felt in his entire life!" Since it was a Sunday (my kids never do anything during normal business hours) I decided to take him in to Urgent Care. That was when I heard the words I was dreading, "positive for Influenza A, most likely H1N1." Great, we had the swine flu! I got his medication, brought him home and we basically locked him in his room for the next three days. Everyone in the house was wearing a mask and looking utterly ridiculous. Well, it seemed to have worked for James and Dawson, but since I was the oh-so lucky one who had been elected to go to Urgent Care and play with all the germs, wouldn't you know it, by Tuesday night I had the fever. Not a fever, but THE fever. The one that led my doctor to say the same nasty words on Wednesday to me.

At this point, my calendar is looking a little crazy. There is not really time for one of us, let alone me, to be going down with the flu. But, it was here, so we screamed and yelled and made the best of it. There were actually a couple of days that I wondered if my marriage would survive the flu. James was so incredibly sweet and accommodating, but I felt like he was more interested in disinfecting the house than actually packing our kids healthy lunches or not shrinking my clothes when he tried to do the laundry. Eventually, Colton and I got to feeling well and knock-on-wood, James and Dawson are still doing ok.

In the middle of the flu fun, James had scheduled to be at the boys school for fire safety month. First, he put on the Kindergarten Fire Safety Day and had the truck come out so the kids could squirt the hose. Then he brought out the Safety Education House Smoke Trailer and for two days he ran class after class through it, showing them what it would be like if their house caught on fire. After 34 classes and 1,100 kids, I am pretty sure he won't be volunteering for anything at the school any time soon.

Me on the other hand, that is all I do. I am in so deep and seem to have the absolute inability to say NO to anything. I have the copy room, the kids classes, the PTSO treasurer, the fundraiser, blah, blah, blah. It is out of control. Seriously out of control. At some point I am going to have to address this. The question becomes how and when.

On to happier news from the month. My sweet, sweet Colton scored his first ever touchdown last week during his football game. He has been playing for seven seasons, so it was so exciting to see him do it. The best part was that afterward, he ran across the field and literally jumped into my arms and hugged me so tight. In eight years, that was by far the best hug I have ever had! Both of the boys had great parent-teacher conferences and report cards which always make things nice. Finally, we closed on some land in Prescott Valley. I am not really sure what we are doing with it, but the options are there and that is a nice feeling. However, the bank account is now drained and that scares the crap out of me, but we seriously put it in God's hands and it fell into our lap so now we are just going with it.

I can complain all day long. And for some reason, it always seems easier to remember the bad things from the day, but life really is SO good. I have such an incredible man that puts up with me daily, two children who love me even when I have spent an entire day yelling at them, and a God who forgives me for it all. I really wouldn't change a thing, but do hope next month is slightly less eventful. :)

Attack of the Pix-O's

2009-09-29T16:39:00.001-07:00

I was so excited for my week to begin on Sunday. Colton had been really sick last week and came home from school almost every day. On Thursday the doctor decided to take some x-rays and we found out he had pneumonia. He had to take this absolutely disgusting medicine, but by Sunday the cough and tummy ache had gone away. We were so happy he was feeling better that we went to Prescott to hang out with friends for the day. When we got home, I was so happy. I had the boys back packs ready and my week was looking good. James and I left the boys with Brian and went to small group. From there on, my excitement about the week ahead dwindled.

When we walked in the door after small group, Brian frantically said, "We have a BIG problem." Problem number one is that Brian doesn't get frazzled or worry about much. It is great when he watches the kids because he never stresses out. So, I knew this couldn't be good.

Apparently, when Dawson was playing with his Pix-O's, he decided to do a magic trick and hide them in his ears. He was going to pull them out and surprise everyone. Of course, he was the one surprised when they didn't come out. However, instead of telling Brian about it then, he decided to wait because he didn't want to get in trouble. Well since Pix-O's are little plastic beads that are covered with a dry glue that gets activated when it gets wet, this story isn't going to get any better. So Brian, not knowing about the Pix-O's, gave Dawson a bath, fully submerging his ears under water. At that point, I guess it burned a little (probably the glue) and Dawson decided to tell Brian.

When we got home, we tried everything, but could barely even see them since he put them in so far. I took him to Phoenix Children's urgent care and they tried to work their magic there. All we got was a crying kiddo and bleeding ears. This was not looking good.

Today, we took him to our ENT. He also pulled out all the stops, used everything possible in the office and worked on Dawson's ears for about 30 minutes. After getting no where, they decided to schedule surgery for tomorrow at 7am.

So, there you go. Pix-O's may be a fun invention for the kids, but not necessarily the safest one. I am praying tomorrow goes well and quick and that my dear Dawson learns from this little "magic trick."

Eye Check

2009-09-23T21:39:00.000-07:00

This week has been crazy...this month has been crazy. And although I am vowing to go back and write down funny stories, I didn't want to let this one slip.

My Tuesdays and Wednesdays are crazy days. Today, I was at the boys school for 7 hours, came home for 20 minutes, went to a PTSO meeting and then went straight to a Teen Moms meeting. Needless to say, there is not a lot of time to touch up make-up or hair or change into the proper attire for each meeting. So tonight, to save time and energy, which I am extremely low on, I just put my black shirt for my Teen Moms meeting over my red and white striped shirt that I had been wearing all day.

Okay, now to the funny part. Last week, Colton had the health fair at school and although they said his eyes are fine, I am noticing things to where I think he needs to have them checked. I mentioned it to him and that was that. Tonight when I got home from my meeting, he was in the hallway walking to his room in the dark. About five minutes later, he came out to give me a hug goodnight. He leaned over and whispered to me that he needed to talk to me in bed. So, I went in his room and this was the conversation:

Me: "What's up?"
Colton: "I really think I need to have my eyes checked." (sounding very concerned)
Me: "Okay, honey. What made you decide that?"
Colton: "Well, when I first saw you in the hall tonight, your shirt looked black and then when I came back in it looked red with white stripes. That's not good."

Of course, I told him what had happened and then we giggled about it for the next five minutes. I am actually smiling about it again as I type. I am so thankful that amid all the stresses in my day that my sweet, sweet boys can always bring a smile to my face.

The Truth Hurts

2009-08-29T21:10:00.000-07:00

When we went to church today, Colton had to do a worksheet with the acrostic PRAY. The P was for Praise, things to be thankful for. He was thankful that Jesus was loving, forgiving and kind. The A was for Ask, things to ask Jesus for help on. He asked for help on his grades, being nice and playing fair. The Y was for a Yes or No question. The letter that hit me the hardest was the R. It was for Repent, what was he sorry for. When I read his response, I teared up. It said, "I am sorry for always making my mom mad."

I cannot begin to say how much this broke my heart. The past few weeks have been rough around here. We are trying to adjust to a new schedule and I tend to yell every morning to try and get the boys out of the house on time. I haven't been feeling 100%, basically since school started. I can sleep 12 hours a day and still feel tired. My throat hurt for a week, my stomach is not right today. But even with all of those excuses, and that is all they are, is this what he thinks about in his alone time with God?

This has hit me right between the eyes. Not that it is excusable with Dawson because he is younger, but Colton is at an age where these are going to be his lifetime memories. What kind of legacy am I leaving? If I got cancer or was in a car accident tomorrow, would he remember the mom who snuggled up to watch movies, took him on fun vacations, helped out at his school to be around him, and went to all of his sporting events to cheer him on? Or, would he remember the mom who yelled when she was overwhelmed, who said, "in a minute" so I could finish an email, or laid on the couch because I had a headache?

My time with him is running out and I want to be the kind of mom that he remembers with more good than bad. I have always heard that it takes 10 positive things to undo a negative and it is proving to be true. I just pray I can get myself to a point where I am not stressed. If that means taking things off my plate, then I will have to get over the fact that I feel like I am letting people down. The person I need to be concerned with not letting down is my son, my family for that matter and God. Say a prayer for me.

Five Bucks

2009-08-15T15:37:00.000-07:00

Right, wrong or indifferent, when I was a kid my mom used to pay me to get good grades. Every quarter when I brought my report card home, I would earn money for my grades. Since Colton is in third grade this year and they are starting letter grades, I thought I would run the idea by him and see what he thought. I told him that if he wanted, we would start giving him $5 for every A, $3 for every B, and $1 for every C. However, if there are any D's, then he gets nothing. I told him that is not a punishment, but if he does not understand something to the point of getting a D, that it is his responsibility to address it before report card time.

So, five days in to school, he brings home his folder with graded papers. Well, somewhere between when we discussed the plan and when he brought home his first grade, he must have forgotten the "report card" part. He walks in the door, hands me a paper with an A and goes, "Yeah, I'll take my five bucks now."

Lovely.

A Little Whining

2009-08-12T16:21:00.000-07:00

This is the first week of school. My babies are in kindergarten and third grade. It is so hard to get back into a routine and there is a little whining going on in the house lately. But, it's not from the kids, it's from me. I am tired!!!

While I complain, I still realize how fortunate I am, but nonetheless, I am going to complain.

I am tired of packing. This summer has been crazy. I have been packing 20+ days a month and some of those days are two jobs. It is hot and people are cranky and I am just plain not in the mood. I know it won't be busy forever and I know the money is a blessing, but if this keeps up much longer, I am going to loose it.

I am bummed about my hubby's 40 hour schedule. Today James started back to work...in the office. He will be there for another four weeks until his foot is completely healed. We have really become use to his 24/48 schedule and even though I complain about it from time to time, like when he works Sundays, overall it really fits our family better. I do realize though how fortunate we are that he has a job where this is an option. If this had happened when he was a mechanic, we would have six unpaid weeks and be in a real pickle. I just want things back to normal.

The kids school is also torking me off. I signed up to volunteer to work in the copy room on Tuesday's. ALL DAY, for seven hours for free. And yet, yesterday, on my first day, I got a run down on the rules: don't talk to teachers unless they talk to you, don't steal things you copy, don't ..., don't ..., seriously am I in third grade? Do you not understand that I am doing you a favor here?!?! Then, my other gripe is that my kindergartner is being let out at 2:50 while my third grader is not released until 3:08. That is a problem. Dawson is not going to sit unattended for 18 minutes without getting into trouble and being that it was 109 degrees today with about 50% humidity, I think both him and I are going to melt if we have to sit out there and wait again tomorrow. With that said, yes I am lucky that I don't have to work every day and can volunteer and that I am available to pick up my kids.

Whew! I am sure I could come up with more to complain about, but I am too tired. Not quite as tired as I was when I got home with the kids form school, laid down on the couch and drooled in my sleep for 30 minutes, but still tired. Now, I need to shake it off, be thankful and positive about tomorrow. Here it goes!

The Truth

2009-08-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

So my friend April tagged me in her blog to make a list of 10 truth's about me. Not many people know about my blog, but I want her to know I appreciate her thinking of me, so here is goes.

The Truth About Me...
1. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up...it's gone from a vet, to a lawyer, to a teacher, to a counselor, to a nurse. Right now, I am just a mom.
2. I seriously thought that having a second child was my chance to redeem myself for everything I did wrong with my first. However, I now know I have messed up with him just as much.
3. I could eat Cold Stone Cake Batter with Cookie Dough Ice Cream every day.
4. I could also drink a Sweet Tea with it.
5. I fear that I don't show my family how much they mean to me often enough.
6. I am an organized freak...seriously I have a color coded calendar that has stuff planned until next March on it already.
7. Although I talk a lot and am outgoing, I am incredibly insecure with myself.
8. I swear like a sailor, but wish I could stop.
9. I wish I was a more optimistic person.
10. I am so thankful for the life I have! There were many other paths along the way, but God protected me and steered me in the right direction.

So there it is. Nothing too spectacular, but all the truth.

Coordination

2009-07-27T17:11:00.000-07:00

Coordination...that is a word my family doesn't have to seem much of. Colton knows how little of this he has, especially since he has broken four bones in fours years. The fact that I have fallen off a treadmill, got whiplash skiing and still have a bruise six weeks later from rolling out of my bed and pinning myself between my own body weight and the foot board screams that I have none either. Dawson is still questionable, but I always thought my hubby had it. He is agile, he is good at sports, fast, made it through the fire academy. Except for the fact that his body is feeling the effects of growing older, I thought he was fine. Thought being the key word.

Sunday morning I ran out to get the end of the school supplies. Not even twenty minutes into my trip I get the call, "I think my foot is broken." Okay... He goes on to tell me that while WALKING he caught his little toe on the wall and heard a crack. Now we have all stubbed a toe, so at this point my sympathy meter is running pretty low. So, I finish my errands and come home.

When I get home, I look at his foot, and I will admit it looked a little swollen and was starting to bruise, but I still could not imagine it was broken. He walked into a wall for criminey sakes. Since we already had the day planned and I am married to such an amazing guy, he said he would put off going to get x-rays and we could play out the day. Oh, I forgot to mention, our day was to take the light rail to the Diamondbacks game, walk a whole bunch and be gone for a number of hours.

So, with pain meds on board, we headed out. He hobbled on to the light rail, hobbled in to the stadium and to the seats. We watched the game, the boys had fun, the foot continued to swell. By the time we left, it looked pretty bad. Now he wasn't hobbling so much as hopping of the good foot, gripping his fists and swearing under his breath.

When we got to urgent care for x-rays, we didn't have to wait for them to be read. There, clear as day, was a break at the base of the toe inside the foot and another small fracture further up the toe. The docs at urgent care didn't know much about this so today we went to an orthopedic podiatrist. It turns out he is 1mm away from surgery. His toes are buddy wrapped, he has a boot and crutches and is off work for a minimum of six weeks.

So, there it is, my hubby isn't coordinated. I figure anyone who can say they broke their foot walking through their hall and turning too sharp into the kitchen does not get to claim coordination any more. But I still love him and think he is pretty amazing!

Mom, Is this KLOVE?

2009-07-16T21:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight I took the boys to Toys R Us to spend their birthday money. It always amazes me that when we enter a store and I am the one buying something, they just pick the first piece of junk that they see, but when they are holding the money, we spend forever looking for the perfect item. So after almost an hour, we went to Boston Market to grab dinner and were headed home.

I listen to almost every kind of music. God blessed me with remembering every lyric to every song I have ever heard, however, he forgot to give me the voice to sing them with. In the car though, the programmed stations are Air 1, KLOVE (both Christian,) KNIX, KMLE (both country,) and MIX 96.9 (80's, 90's and today.) I usually try to make sure if I am listening to a secular station that the DJ's aren't going on about some topic I would prefer not to continue with my children, but never thought too much about the music because I thought those stations were pretty safe.

So as we are driving, Trace Adkin's "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" come on. Here are some of the lyrics:
That honky tonk badonkadonk.
Keeping perfect rhythm, makes you want to sway along.
Got it going on like Donkey Kong.
Ew we, shut my mouth, slap your grandma.
There outta be a law, get a sheriff on the phone.
Lord have mercy, how's she even get those britches on.

Since I have heard this song 100 times, I was obviously oblivious to the lyrics as I was singing along. When I finished the chorus for the second time, this was my conversation with Colton:
Colton: "Mom, is this KLOVE?"
Me: "Um, no, why?"
Colton: "Oh, I didn't think so. I heard the song mention the Lord a couple of times, but then it talked about slapping you grandma. I didn't think that was very Jesus like."

I started to laugh so hard, I had tears streaming down my face and almost peed my pants. I was completely busted by my eight year old. What they see and hear that we have tuned out is crazy to me. I guess KLOVE will be on in the car for a while....

How has it been 8 years?!?

2009-07-13T07:58:00.000-07:00

Today is my oldest baby's birthday! How in the world he is 8 I will never figure out! He is half way to driving...In another year he is half way to possibly leaving the house. This is all very crazy.

When James and I got married, kids were never a question. The question was when. Since we had dated 3 1/2 years before getting married, we had done a LOT. We took seven vacations the year we got married for criminey sakes. When we got married, his mom was 65 years old. Although she had four children, James was the first to get married and she had no grand kids. Let me just tell you that if my boys do that to me, I will kill them. I want grand kids! So, with that as a factor, we decided sooner than later to have kids.

It took a little time, some "egg timers" as James called them and tears, but once I was pregnant it was smooth sailing. No morning sickness, no soreness, no nothing. If it wasn't for sleeping all day, I would have thought the doctor lied. I still remember his first kick, the excitement at his birth and how scared I was to take him home.

He is passionate. He is sensitive. He is funny. He loves so fully. He is politically correct. He loves to read. He hates peanut butter. He wants to play football or basketball all the time. He is my first baby. He has a special place in my heart. I am so proud to watch him grow and see who he becomes. Happy Birthday Bubba!

Happy 4th of July

2009-07-04T07:36:00.000-07:00

Today is the day every year, along with Memorial Day and Veteran's Day, that I really sit back and think about how lucky I am to live in America. There are so many things we take for granted each and every day: the ability to speak what and when we want, to have food to eat, a shelter that is bigger than 8'x8', to be able to go to church, to have our kids in school, to sleep at night without fear, and the list goes on. I am always in awe of military personnel and their families because I cannot imagine watching my two boys grow up and tell me they wanted to risk it all for people they don't know. I am so grateful for every individual that does do that and for every parent or spouse that supports them with pride. We are so blessed!!!

On a funny note...last night we went to see the fireworks. We always go on the 3rd and love it. This year turned out to probably be the best. It had stormed about 5pm and I was really nervous they would call them off, but the storm passed through which left it about 85 degrees which was amazing considering last year was over 100. We got pizza and ice cream, played football in the grass, took pictures, just had some good old fashioned family time. Then I realized what Dawson was wearing. Him and Colton have the exact same pair of crocs so I always tell them to look at the size. Well, in a hurry, Dawson must have just put on the first two shoes he saw because when I looked down he was wearing two left shoes, one a size and a half bigger than the other. All I could do was laugh. That is truly my Dawson.

Dude!

2009-06-21T19:27:00.000-07:00

Today is Father's Day and before I write the funniest story ever, I have to say that I am married to the most amazing man ever!! He is everything and more I could ever wish for in a husband and goes above and beyond to be an excellent father. He loves our boys so much and I hope they know how lucky they are!

Ok, so for Father's Day we went up to Prescott to visit the Mills and go to a barbecue at Lynx Lake. There was a hodge podge of people, some family, some friends. One of the people had a little boy about Colton's age and the kids started playing together. Before we knew it, it all went downhill. A long time ago, my kids use to call each other "dude" all the time. I don't know why I don't really love that word, but after hearing it 50 times a day, I finally told them that a "dude" was the hair on an elephant's butt and they stopped calling each other it almost immediately. Fast forward to today and this is what I get:

Colton: "Mom, Dawson said Stoney (yes, that was the kids name) has a hairy butt!"
James: "What?"
Colton: "Dawson said Stoney had a hairy butt."
James: "Dawson did you say that?"
Dawson: "Yes (starting to cry) but he called me Little Dude."
James: "That isn't a bad thing to call you. You can't go around saying mean things to people."
Dawson: "But he called me Little Dude and that hurts my feelings."
James: "Why?"
Dawson: "Because I don't have a hairy butt."
Me: DING, DING, DING...the light bulb went off and I knew what the problem was.

So after fifteen minutes of trying to convince him that when Stoney called him a "Little Dude" that he wasn't saying he had a hairy butt, the boys were off playing again. We had a great day with great friends and lots of laughs along the way.

#13 - Check!

2009-06-19T17:49:00.000-07:00

So with only 830 days left, I have only managed to check six goals off my 101 goals list. BUT, I just checked off the most important one and it happens to be my favorite number too.

When my hubby and I got married, we were making good money. Actually, he was making good money which is why it wasn't a hard decision for me to stay home when I had Colton. Even with my loss of income, we were still doing very well. However, when he became a firefighter, things got interesting. While he was testing we did everything we could to prepare: we paid off both cars, had zero credit card debt and saved every penny we could. When he got hired, we quickly realized that there was not much we could do to offset a $74,000 pay cut.

We have been extremely blessed that because he was a mechanic for 14 years before becoming a firefighter, he always has had a side job and back up plan for income. That coupled with my packing for the elderly and his moving and we have managed to stay afloat and debt-free except for the mortgage. I have always been frustrated a little though because a huge driving factor in the career change was the amount of time it allowed for the family. He only works 10 days a month!! But, if you spend 15 of your 20 days off a month doing side jobs, you are actually home less than before.

So, since day one, it has always been my goal to be able to live within his paycheck again. With two boys who seem to cost more every day this is not an easy task. BUT, I am happy to report that 4 years and 9 months after becoming a firefighter....WE CAN LIVE ON THE SALARY!!! (That is so exciting to me, I can't even begin to tell you!)

Of course, we still need side jobs for extracurricular things like sports, eating out and getaways, but it is just that now...a side job. We love them and are blessed when they come around, but we are no longer dependent on them to keep the lights on.

A lot of my friends have been surprised when I tell them about this and make comments like, "But you do stuff all the time. You had the money all along didn't you." And the answer is no. What I have learned in the last 5 years is how to be a cheap skate and get everything I can for free. For example:

Go to Picture People or Kiddie Kandids and just get your free 8x10 (yes you will have to pick your favorite picture) and then come home and scan it and print enlargements to Costco or on photo paper which is much less expensive than $15 a sheet.

Go to Harkins and buy a $25 gift card. You will get a free popcorn and with your $1 drink, it makes concessions easier to swallow.

For Dawson's birthday, our entire family went bowling (10 of us in all.) The week before, I had joined the bowling alleys email list to get coupons and got one emailed for 10 free games of bowling and shoes just for joining. It would have been $57.84 and I didn't pay a penny!

We have credit cards that we use and pay off every month, but get the points and cash them out for rewards like gift cards to restaurants.

I enter every contest I come across...like the one today on my friend's blog for circus tickets http://intentionallykatie.blogspot.com/2009/06/attention-phoenix-readers-win-4-tickets.html

Needless to say, I am so excited about our new "position" if you will, but will probably continue to be a cheap skate...it's just me!

Why, Why, Why?

2009-06-15T10:58:00.001-07:00

I have a couple posts that I am working on about our recent vacation and Dawson's birthday, but right now I am here to vent.

Yesterday afternoon, my hubby went to Checker to get some oil for the car. He came home, changed the oil, we had a nice evening and went to bed. This morning he woke up and went to go to Home Depot to grab some stuff to work on his brother's rental house. However, he noticed his credit card was missing.

My first annoyance is that this is the second credit card he has lost, the last one was last July. I know he is busy. I know he works hard. I know his mind is in other places. And I know I have lost things before too, but for criminey sakes, it is really a pain in the butt to have to change everything when you loose a credit card.

I quickly got over my frustration with him though because I know he genuinely never set out to cause me more work. I proceeded to call Checker and of course they told me they hadn't seen it and took down my name only which I thought was weird. Then I went to my online statement. Holy crap! Are you kidding? Some moron, probably the kid that worked at the store, charged over $400 of junk at Checker, then filled up his tank of gas for $60+ and decided to do a little more shopping.

Seriously people! We work hard for what we have. My husband works side jobs up the wazoo so that we can take vacations, put the kids in sports, etc. We are not given anything and it flat out pisses me off when someone takes advantage of that. We have great credit and the credit card company was extremely nice, but why am I wasting my entire day doing this. Why do I have to close the card, wait for a new one, contact the five people who charge it automatically every month and give them a different number. Why?

And, what about the dumb kid who took this. He wasn't even smart enough to just make one purchase at Checker. He made three separate charges. No outside person who came in to the store and found the card is going to continue to charge on a stolen card at the same store. It is probably some young kid who isn't smart enough to think it through that for $700 he may get fired from his job and have a felony on his record by the end of the month. If he was in front of me right now, I would probably shake him.

So, I think I am done. I actually think I even feel a little bit better. Guess I better go back to my day now.

My Baby is 5!!

2009-06-08T10:42:00.000-07:00

Today is my baby's birthday. Not my first baby, but my last baby. He was supposed to be my chance to redeem myself for everything I didn't know or did wrong with my first. Instead, he has been a learning experience that was completely original.

Nothing about my pregnancy was easy, he came early, stayed in the hospital and has had some doctor appointment or therapy almost daily since. But, that is not who he is. Those are the cards he was dealt, but it doesn't define him.

He is unique in the best of terms. He has a hundred different faces. He has a voice that makes me melt. He is the only kid that can make me laugh through my tears of anger. He is my shopping buddy. He has the best one liners. He loves sharks and starburst and anything blue. He wants to help with everything. He is always looking in my purse for gum. He is adorable.

And now he is 5.

He starts kindergarten in the fall, which is something we were so unsure of two years ago. He will make friends and do great and I am sure will have a very close relationship with the principal, but it is all good. He is growing up and although I wish I could keep him this age forever, I am excited to see what and who he becomes.

I may never get it right with either of my boys, but I hope through everything that they knew they were loved and that I tried.

Happy Birthday Dawson!

The End of an Era

2009-05-20T19:36:00.000-07:00

Today my baby graduated from preschool. And not my first baby, but my last baby. When school starts in the fall, I will have no one home and while I have waited for this day since Colton was little, I couldn't help but be a little sad today.

It is 100 times easier to run errands kid-free, but I was getting use to having Dawson with me. He actually is a really good shopper and one heck of a trooper when I take him on a five-store marathon. I will miss playing war with him while Colton is at school. I will miss eating lunch with someone each day. As I am writing this, I have tears welling up and I guess it comes down to the fact that I will just miss these days.

I think another reason for "happy tears" is that when Dawson finished his year of 3-year-old preschool, we were told that he may not be main streamed in school. Yet today, as he got his certificate, his teachers and I are extremely confident in his ability to make it just fine. He is getting better every day and I owe so many people for all of their help.

Each age and stage that my kids go through seems to bring joy and pain. I can't wait to move on, yet I miss the little moments. When fall comes I will have a kindergartner and a third grader. I still remember third grade. I don't feel old enough or responsible enough for this to happen, but it is going to happen just the same. Guess I better brace myself.

An Amazing Man

2009-05-18T17:52:00.000-07:00

Today is my husband's birthday. I have known James was an amazing man since the day I met him, but it is days like today, when I sit back and reflect and really realize how truly amazing he is.

He is the most un-selfish person I know. He is an incredibly hard worker. He is compassionate. He loves me unconditionally. Our kids are blessed he is their dad. He is kind-hearted. He knows how to make me smile.

He cleans the house more than me. He puts up with all of my moods. He makes wise cracks that keep me laughing for days. He is quick witted. He is sexy. He loves me whether I have the extra 20 pounds on me or not.

He stops to help strangers. He is a great son. He is a good brother. He is an understanding son-in-law. He gets taken advantage of and stills sees the good in people.

When I reflect on my life and all the paths it could have taken, I am continually thankful that my path crossed with his.

Happy 37th Birthday Honey!!

Chaos

2009-05-12T13:27:00.000-07:00

I am living in the middle of chaos right now. I think I have actually decided that May is a busier month than December. It's the end of school....transition meetings, parties, field trips, you name it and it's happening...end of season games and parties, annual family camping trip, swim lessons, my hubby & his twin sister's birthday, father-in-laws birthday, and I am trying to get us all ready to be gone for two weeks right when school gets out.

This really isn't meant to come across as complaining, but more as questioning. When did life get so busy?

Now if I were asking my mother-in-law this question, she would tell me that she never was that busy and that she doesn't remember ever running around. However, if I ask my husband or his siblings, they will all tell me that they were in swim lessons and sports at least twice a year.

Somehow though something has changed.

When I was a kid, sports were only offered twice a year, not four different seasons. There were no crazy parties when it was done and everyone sure didn't get a trophy. When I approached the end of the year at school, I remember free days, but no elaborate parties that cost my mom $20 in goodies to be sent in. When I had a birthday, she made something for the class to eat, she didn't have to go and buy $15+ worth of baked goods. There was no pressure to "one up" another parent for the end of year teacher gift because you said "thank you for a great year" and went on your way. I don't remember life this way.

Maybe it is because now I am the parent and I never had interest in this before. My kids are involved...in everything. They play a sport each of the four seasons. They are taking swim lessons to get ready for summer. They are signed up for VBS. But, they want to do all of this. Each couple of months the conversation goes something like this:

Me: "So, do you want to play basketball next season or take a break (hint, hint.)"
Kids: "I want to play basketball. Oh, and can I do karate too."
Me: "Nope, one sport at a time. You choose."
Kids: "Ok, basketball. But next season can I ... ?"
Me: "We'll see. You know if you ever want to take a break you can."
Kids: "I know. I don't want to."

What if I do? What if I want a break? The funny thing is that after about 48 hours of my "break" I am sure that I would be climbing the walls, but it sure sounds good in theory. I love that my kids want to be involved and are so outgoing. I love that they want to be physical and that keeps them in great shape. I wish I had their stamina and desire to exercise. Maybe someday. For now, my exercise is going to consist of my heading spinning until this month is done.

My Reason to Celebrate

2009-05-10T19:13:00.000-07:00

I love my mom. We have had our ups and downs through the years, but overall I am blessed. She is amazingly strong when she needs to be, yet completely emotionally driven and a basket case most of the time. She has made me laugh, cry and driven me to a level of frustration that even my kids have not got me to. But, at the end of the day, she is my mom. She is who God wanted me to have. And along with all the things that make her who she is are the things that make me who I am.

Because of my mom, I have learned how important and admirable it is to not talk badly about your spouse, current or ex, because he is still your children's father. She has taught me to love whole heartedly, live with my emotions exposed, never to go to bed angry, and how to laugh at myself. Because of her, I always knew I wanted to be a mom.

And now I am. And now I have a totally different reason to celebrate Mother's Day. Now I am a mother. And it is harder than I could have ever imagined. I worry more than I though possible. I got white hair at the age of 26 for crying out loud. I find myself in the middle of a chaotic life most days, but wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Now I love like I never knew I could.

Colton was the best pregnancy ever. I was never remotely sick. I didn't get stretch marks. Everything went as planned, even down to the day he came. I was so nervous when he was born. He was like a doll and I couldn't believe the crazy people at the hospital were actually going to let me go home with him. He had a rough first couple months, but was an easy boy. He has always been a momma's boy. He has the heart the size of Texas, loves completely, and is an old soul. He is politically correct at all times and has such a blind faith, I think he may be a preacher. I am blessed God trusted me with him.

Dawson was a planned pregnancy and that was as far as the planning went. He made sure to take me off course any way he could. He is me in so many ways. He is strong-willed and feisty. He loves to just get a rise out of people. He has a million faces and emotions to match them all. He keeps me going and I never know what he will say or do next. But, he teaches me to slow down. To appreciate the little moments. He is one of a kind and I am blessed to be his mom.

So here it is Mother's Day and I am so thankful for my kids and my mom. I am fortunate to have so many great influential women in my life like my mother-in-law and old friends who have watched me grow into who I am today. My heart breaks for my friends who have lost their moms too soon and for my dad who is spending this Mother's Day without his mom for the first time in 52 years. Every day is a gift. The people in your life are a gift also. And being a mom is the greatest gift of all.

Where to Start?

2009-05-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

It has been almost a month again since I have been on here. I don't know what happens in between the thought process that I want to write something and sitting and doing it, but obviously there is a break in the chain and now I am left wondering where to start.

I guess I will start with me. Things have been hectic and I feel like I am losing my mind most days, but there is hope on the horizon. I think I have finally finished all of Dawson's meetings for kindergarten next year and now just have to decide whether or not to pursue things with Colton. I did manage to get my hair done today which was awesome! I went really short, the shortest I have ever gone and lightened it up considerably for the summer. James and I have been doing the "Love Dare" book from Fireproof and it has been making things go from good to even better, so that is nice.

James is good, but I feel bad for how much he has to work. He is such a good provider and I am blessed that he feels it is important for me to stay home and has never put any pressure on me to work. He is settling in to his position as Engineer very well and I think that is where he will finish out his career.

Dawson, Dawson, Dawson. This kid cracks me up! You never know what he is going to say or do. Yesterday was the last day of swim lessons for the session and he was wearing new swimming trunks. James asked if they would stay up in the water and before I even said "yes," Dawson had pushed them halfway down his bottom to show us how loose they were. I think he may be an exhibitionist. Then tonight at dinner while he was waiting for the food, he must of gotten bored and I noticed him wading up the paper napkin into little balls, stuffing them up his nose and proceeding to blow them out. That was until one got stuck and he picked it out. Hope there is no cocaine habit in his future. :) Overall, he is doing really well though and I am looking forward to see how he progresses in kindergarten.

Colton. My sweet, sweet Colton. He has such a big heart which is great, but it leaves him a lot of places to get hurt. Tonight was the Tribal Challenge at church and he went with his friends. He ended up running into a boy in his class that he has had some other issues with this year and by time I came to pick him up was very sad. I wish so badly that he wouldn't let others get to him that way, but it is hard to teach something that I myself don't have. He is doing great in second grade academically, but as the year ends, it looks as though we may need to come up with more of a game plan for next year. He just ended football last week and is looking forward to playing basketball in the summer.

In 25 days, we leave for vacation and I can't wait. We will be going to Lake Tahoe again and I hope we have just as nice of time as last year.

I just looked at my 101 goals list and have found that I haven't managed to accomplish any more of the goals on it yet. However, I am close to 5 of them so maybe as I accomplish them it will give me something to write about. Not that my family doesn't give me enough now, I just need to find the time to recall and write it down.

Light Rail Experience

2009-04-07T13:33:00.000-07:00

This weekend we took my mom on the light rail for her birthday. She has been wanting to take the boys for a while and I just wasn't comfortable with her taking them alone, so we decided to make a day of it.

So, we get on the light rail and it is pretty busy and we end up taking the last 5 seats. Two stops later, a young African American lady boards with her infant in her arms. My hubby gets up right away and offers her his seat. Finding this to be a teaching moment, I leaned over to Colton and asked him, "Do you know why daddy gave up his seat for that lady?" To which he replied, "Yep, because of Rosa Parks."

I couldn't help but bite my tongue as I was going to burst out laughing. I calmly told him that everyone was equal now and that the reason dad gave up his seat was because she was a woman and that you should always treat girls with respect. But, wow, he has had some zingers lately!

On a side note, just because I don't want to forget, Dawson has been cracking me up too lately. He can't say the word "alphabet" so when I picked him up from school the other day and asked him what he had for snack, I got, "We had awfulbit gummies." I wonder if they were good alphabet gummies? He is pretty cute!

Another Month Almost Gone

2009-03-29T21:42:00.001-07:00

Where is my 2009 going? It seems like forever since I have written anything and when I think back over the last couple weeks, I can't think of anything to write about. A lot has happened though.

The kids had Spring Break, which also happens to be our anniversary. James and I went to a great hotel in Prescott and really enjoyed some time away. We laughed more than I can remember in a long time, primarily at my expense, but that's okay. I sang the wrong words to a song, couldn't hit a golf ball more than 20 feet and rolled the Corolla backwards down a steep hill. It really was a fun trip.

We also had a day where we went bowling as a family and that was awesome. First, I love the bumpers. I don't know what I am going to do when my kids are old enough to put them down because I think I use them more than they do. Dawson was so cute in his bowling shoes. It was the first time he has worn them since asking Santa for the at Christmas. He even got a strike on the last frame of the second game. Colton bowled really good and got better each game. He was even a trooper and figured out how to get the ball with his casted arm.

I feel like time just slips away. I know that so much more has happened. Today we went to see Monsters vs. Aliens and the kids loved it. I wish I was writing more. When I see babies I realize how little I remember looking back. I measured the boys the other day and Colton was 4 ft. 6 in. and Dawson was 3 ft. 11 in. How does that happen?

Am I doing it all right? What will they remember about me? Life has so many questions and time marches on....

Just Do It

2009-03-13T21:02:00.000-07:00

Today has been a funny day and my kids have kept me laughing for most of it.

Tonight when I was making dinner, Dawson fell asleep on the couch. I called his name a couple of times to let him know it was dinner time, but nothing. He was out. Until...the magical ice cream truck song started to play through our open front door. I am not kidding, all of sudden Dawson popped up and says, "I'm awake! Wait ice cream truck!" It was so cute!

After dinner we had Colton's first football game. It was a little sad because he can't play with his broken arm for the first three games, but I was proud of him for still wanting to go and cheer his team on. When the game was over, we were heading to Cold Stone for dessert.

Colton: "What's a crush?"
Me: "It's when you like someone more than just as a friend. When you grow up your crush will become love."
Colton: "Oh, well _____ says he has a crush on _____. I think I have a crush on _____ too."
Me: "You do?"
Colton: "Yeah. I think I am just going to let my crush grow for a while and then when I am a teenager we will just do it."
Me: swallowing hard..."Do what, honey?"
Colton: "Get married."
Me: "Oh. Well you might want to wait until you are a little older than that."

Oh my gosh! I thought I was going to be having the talk right then and there! So now I am breathing a sigh of relief, relaxing and trying to prep myself for when the real talk comes.

What a Way to Start March

2009-03-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

Wow! This month sure started with a bang! First, James got a stomach bug. I would rather have almost anything in the entire world than a stomach bug, so I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned some more. Everything was washed, the kids were bleached and I thought we were good to go. Then 4 days later at 3:41am, Dawson came in and told me his tummy hurt and proceeded to throw up most of that day. So, I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned some more. That night when I went to bed, I was exhausted! I was happy he was feeling better and looking forward to a good nights sleep. However, at 3:52am, my carbon monoxide detector decided to go off. Despite having been cleaned and it's batteries been replaced less than a month ago, it felt the need to wake me for a little fun. James promptly pulled it out of the ceiling, threw it in the garage and we went back to bed. Later that day, I got to take Colton to the orthodontist to have lip bumper put it. I never had braces, so I don't know how it feels, but it sure looked uncomfortable. And, I got the, "I look like a dork, I can't talk right, etc." the rest of the night. That was Thursday.

Friday consisted of writing a paper for an online English class that James is taking. Saturday was the boys last basketball games. They were both at 11:00. We had the kids draw names because, of course, they both wanted dad to go with them. I ended up taking Colton. Everything was going great. He had made a few baskets and it was the last minute of the game. He scored and was back-peddling a few steps and went to turn around. His foot didn't move and he fell backwards on his the palm of his hand. Instantly he started to cry and instantly I felt my stomach knot up. He had broken his arm 11 months ago falling on it the same way. He came out of the game and we iced it. He decided to skip the birthday party he was supposed to go to next and opted for the urgent care. James got to take him to that part and they took x-rays. The tech said nothing showed up and they would send it out for review. When they came home, I kept telling James, "Are you sure? It looks swollen like last time." Nope. He said it was fine. Sunday morning I went to see my grandpa, who is doing much better and even took 20 steps the other day! At 9:10 my phone rings and it is James....Urgent Care just called...it IS broken.

My poor, sweet boy has broken 4 bones in 4 years. Tomorrow I will get him into the orthopedic doctor and see what has to happen. He is supposed to play his first football game on Friday.

This sure has been a weird start to the month and I can only hope it has gotten everything out of it's system and will get better. :)

Snowplow!!!

2009-02-27T13:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had the best day ever! It seriously was one of the most fun days we have had as a family, and I get to check #17 and #66 off my 101 list. We decided, very impulsively I might add, to take the kids out of school and go skiing. We had been tossing around the idea, but because I am practical we were looking at a half day of school for Colton and I was trying to schedule make up therapies for Dawson. Then on Wednesday afternoon we just decided to go for it...the next day. No notice, no make ups, just live life (definitely not my strong suit.) So when the kids came home from school on Wednesday I told them that they wouldn't be going to school on Thursday and as soon as dad got off shift, we were going skiing!

Both of my boys, as much as I love them, tend to be very dramatic and a little on the not so tough side. The way James and I envisioned this ski trip was to drive up, rent everything, have the kids complain while getting dressed, put them on the bunny hill, have them cry the first time they fell down, go drink hot cocoa in the lounge and leave. Maybe it was because my expectations were so low, but it was nothing like I thought and literally the best family day I can remember in a long time.

The boys were excited and asked questions the whole way up. Since neither James or I had skied in 15 years, we couldn't answer much, but we tried. They were so excited to get their gear and wanted to wear the ski boots up to the car to get the rest of our stuff on. When we first were getting them into their skis, they were a little uneasy, but they would go a couple feet, fall down and laugh. After about an hour, they were both getting really good. They were able to go a couple hundred feet down the hill and snowplow before falling. We had family races, took great pictures and smiled all day. The biggest complaint was carrying their skis back up the hill.

That, of course, was the boys. Then there is me. The first time I got on my skis, I took off. FAST. Flying down the hill, not really remembering how to work anything. I hear my hubby yelling, "Snowplow!" Yeah, not so much. I crashed hard! I had a headache, but we were having a good time so I didn't really pay attention to it. I kept skiing and crashed a couple more times, but on my butt and nothing like the first one. Then, as we were driving home I noticed my neck felt a little stiff and it was hard to look for cars when I was changing lanes. I wrote it off as just being sore and using muscles I hadn't in a long time.

This morning I woke up, stiff as a board. I was in the hall talking to James when I got really lightheaded. I decided to go into the doctor just to check it out. Then somehow through the process of x-rays and what not, I end up at the chiropractor. He tells me I have whiplash and that I tore my sternocleidomastoid muscle (in my neck). Lovely. That sounds like fun. Not! So, I get all the physical therapy necessary to be able just to turn my head. Then he tapes me up so my muscles can't go back to being tight and will be protected. It will more than likely be a 4-6 week recovery.

Even after all of the drama this morning, one thing stands. Yesterday was awesome! I would go 100 times and get hurt each and every one if it meant making memories that great. I am looking at this positively. This injury is just so I can think about that day for the next 4-6 weeks and find ways to recreate it doing other family activities. I better learn to snowplow!

What Store?!?

2009-02-23T22:00:00.000-08:00

Today was an interesting day. First I woke up resolving to have a good day. Not just an average day, but a good day. I was not going to let anything get in my way either. And you know what...it worked! I had a pretty good day! I had a couple little moments, but caught myself and maintained a smile. I started my day with 3 hours of silence to catch up on my bible study and ended with Beth Moore telling me that as long as the Lord thinks I am beautiful, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Not bad.

My poor Colton did not have such a good day. He is so hard on himself, which I know he gets from both James and I. He ended up having to go talk to the intervention specialist at school. It breaks my heart because he is such a sweet boy. Lots of praying to do for him.

On a funny note though...Dawson had a field trip today to the library. One of the "grils" in his class was wearing bright blue tights. As he got off the bus it went like this.

Dawson: "How come she gets to wear blue pants?"
Me: "Honey, those are tights, they are for girls."
Dawson: "Can I have blue tights?"
Me: "No sweetie, only girls wear tights."
Dawson: "Where do you buy them?"
Me: "At the girly girl store." (Thinking that would end it.)
Dawson: "That's not fair."
Me: "Do you want some blue socks?"
Dawson: "YEAH!"
Me: "Ok, when I go to the store next, I will look for blue socks."

We got home and I was getting ready to go to the grocery store.

Dawson: "Where are you going."
Me: "To the store."
Dawson: "OH! The Boyly Boy store to get my socks?!?"

He cracks me up!

Overwhelmed!

2009-02-19T17:05:00.000-08:00

So this is my second attempt at this post. I actually wrote an entire entry, posted it, walked to get Colton from school and came home and deleted it because I felt guilty that all I did was complain and feel sorry for myself in it. So now I am trying it again...

I feel overwhelmed. Again. With everything.

It really is not just any one thing in particular, but a huge compilation of events happening all at the same time. My grandma's funeral is tomorrow and my grandpa is still not doing great. He is in a rehab facility now, but James is going to have to help transport him to and from both services and we are all praying he is well enough to make it. Then there's Colton who has just been full of extra energy lately. He also has 2 ortho appointments coming up to hopefully finish the braces.

I think the biggest source of frustration is just feeling lost is with Dawson though. I need to sign him up for kindergarten on Monday. With Colton that meant filling out a handful of paperwork, proving residency and waiting until August to find out who his teacher is. With Dawson however, it means 7 testing appointments, and ISP meeting, a transition meeting, and a hearing eval. Plus he is "graduating" from one of his outside therapies so we need to have close out meetings for that. Then I have to take his schedule and mesh his outside therapies into it somehow. It's just a lot and I don't feel equipped or like I have the energy.

With all of that said though, I need to change my attitude. Earlier today when I wrote this, I wrote that I was going to have a pity party. Well, I have decided that I am not. I am going to pull myself up by the bootstraps and plaster a damn smile on my face if it is the last thing I do! And it is because, even though I am down and feel that this is hard, I KNOW it could be worse. I have my family here. All of them. We are all healthy. James has a stable job in an unstable economy. I have been BLESSED to stay home for almost 8 years with my kids which has proved to be a God send with Dawson's situation. My husband LOVES me and would do anything for me. My mom is supportive. My kids, although I don't always realize it, REALLY are GOOD kids.

I am blessed. I have a family that loves me and that I love more than anything. AND most importantly, I have my GOD who will give me all the energy I need, all the tools I need and all the support I need to get through this phase in my life. This too shall pass and until it does, I am choosing to lean on HIM!

Snow Clothes

2009-02-10T17:22:00.001-08:00

This weekend we are planning on going up north. We booked this back at Christmas time with the hope that there would be snow, but either way, the kids are on a three day weekend and we just wanted a family getaway.

Backing up to when we went to Polar Express in December, there was a LOT of snow at the time. The kids had a hay day playing in it, except we don't have snow gear so it only took about an hour before they were soaked and freezing. Since skiing is on my goal list, we decided that we get some ski bibs for this trip that were big enough for next winter also.

Fast forward to today, February 10th, the middle of frickin' winter (since spring doesn't technically start until March 21st.) I went to four different sports places to find snow gear. Two stores have already shipped their stuff back..winter is over in there minds despite the 6" Flagstaff got yesterday and the fact that Prescott schools are on a snow day. Then I go to another store where the cheapest article of gear is $80! I don't think so. We live in the desert. We go to the snow a handful of times a year and I am not spending $80 per kid, they can be wet and cold for that. So in my desperate attempt, I go to one final store. One store that is having a sale on their snow items. A store with not a lot of a picked over selection. Since I am not a shopper, I did what I always do...what my husband hates. I picked out 3 sizes for everyone, bought them all, brought them home and in the comfort of my own house, my own mirror (that is nicer than theirs) we will try on everything, narrow it down and I will return the rest. Alone. Because my husband is embarrassed by this way of shopping. I am not a shopper. I have never been a shopper. And now I have 5 bags of $400 worth of snow crap sitting at my front door laughing at me.

On a total side note....Since I had the kids along with me for this adventure today, I told them they could pick what was for dinner. Colton picked Boston Market and begged to eat there. So as we are eating, in the restaurant, at 5:15pm, Dawson pipes up amid the silence and says, "I didn't just fart." Um, I think he may have. Random comments like that usually come up for a reason. My kids really do keep me on my toes!

Check Three Off The List

2009-02-09T18:47:00.000-08:00

Somehow tonight when my brother in law and I were talking, I brought up my 101 list. I should have known this was a bad idea since Brian likes very much to razz me. So I started going through the list and he started laughing.

Me: "Exercise regularly."
Brian: "Like that will ever happen."
Me: "Get the closets and bathrooms done, wood floor, tile..."
Brian: "Is this your list or James?"
Me: "Stop swearing."
Brian: "Good luck with that!"
Me: "Be more joyful."
Brian: "Yep, you need that!"
Me: "And the last goal, be content even if I don't accomplish anything on the list."
Brian: "That's the stupidest one yet. Why do you have the list if you are not going to accomplish it?"

So during the debacle I realized a couple of things. I can combine a couple of my goals such as see the sunset on the beach and go to Hawaii for my 10 year anniversary (which is in the works.) Also, take the kids skiing and visit Colorado again may work if the planning is right. Voila! Lots of two for ones happening on my list!

I also noticed that I have actually accomplished three of my goals already. Who knew?!? I have been at this blog regularly for 8 weeks now. Check #6 off the list! I wanted to join another women's bible study. Well, not only did I join, but it even starts next Monday and it is another Beth Moore study. I am so excited, #55, done! Finally, I looked at #90 which was to make sure James has at least 1 free day a month to do whatever he wants. While I don't want to take that goal away, when looking back at my post Frustrations are Running High, I realized that he has had a lot of free days. I am so happy about this, although it doesn't appear so at the time I wrote that. He has had great opportunities to spend quality time with his dad and explore new hobbies.

As I sit here tonight, I feel a strange sense of accomplishment...even though I didn't realize until now that I was accomplishing anything. When I made the list, it was with the intention and desire of wanting to do all the things listed. However, when I wrote the last one, I meant that too. What I found tonight though is that I want to be content no matter what, but I don't want to lose that push and drive to actually make it through this list.

The Lines of Communication are OPEN!

2009-02-07T11:55:00.001-08:00

I am SO excited! My dad and I have turned a huge corner. Actually, I have turned a huge corner. Ever since my mom and dad got divorced when I was 8, I have somehow ended up doing everything with the thought of, "will my dad notice me." It's not that he didn't notice me ever, I just never felt that pride I wanted to feel from him growing up. He has been married 5 times, so there have always been step-siblings and I have felt like I was competing with them. As I have grown up, I have had many moments where I have had my feelings hurt or been sad over a situation but I was always too afraid to talk to my dad about it. I love my dad dearly, but the person he was when I was little and how I have always viewed him was as a black or white kind of guy, not tremendously forgiving, kind of "hot-headed" if you will.

I have always talked to my dad at least a couple times a week, but since my grandma has been sick, we have been talking multiple times a day. I was his lifeline to what was going on here. Now that my grandma passed, my dad has been trying to decide if he was going to come out for the services. When he mentioned it to me, he said that he would be coming in late one night and leaving the afternoon of the next day. This broke my heart! I know that he is coming out for the purpose of the funeral, but I wanted him to take time to see us. We haven't been able to see him for 4 years and I want so desperately to see him and have him get to know my kids the way my mom and James' parents do.

In the last 7 years since my dad has been married, he has started attending church regularly and has a strong faith in God. I am not sure if that was why or if it was just because after watching my grandma pass, I realized I don't want to live life with things unsaid, with open wounds. So, although I was terrified, I sent him a very short email that just said that I was sad and that I really wanted to see him. We ended up talking for an hour. I told him things I had felt growing up and he explained that a lot of what I perceived about him was no longer true. After we talked he even sent me a very nice email letting me know that I have made him proud and that he does love me.

I still don't know if he will make it out or not, but I do know that a lot of what had made me sad turned into a deep hurt because I didn't address it. I am so thankful that I found the courage to talk to him and that he has grown as a man and we were able to have this moment between us before it was too late.

Remembering Grandma

2009-02-04T06:11:00.000-08:00

I got the call yesterday afternoon that my grandma had passed away. Although I was expecting it, it hit me much harder than I would've thought. Not that I shouldn't have been sad, but this was my dad's mom. I rarely saw her growing up because we lived in Colorado and when my mom and I moved back to Arizona, she tried to have me see my grandparents, but it was always awkward. It was more of a step child feeling. Then in high school, I borrowed $100 from my grandparents and told them I would pay them back in 1 month, which ended up turning into 6. Looking back, I understand that they were trying to teach me responsibility, but I go no birthday or Christmas check that year and was even further alienated from the family. Once I had the boys, I made a valiant effort to keep in better contact with my grandma. I would call every month or so, she would tell me she would check her calendar to get together and then I would end up calling back 2 months later to see what happened and have my feelings hurt. At one point I even wrote her a letter explaining that I wasn't my dad, and felt as though I was being punished for his mistakes.

The last couple of years, I did see her more. In 2006, I took her and my mom to the Mother's Day Dinner at church. When my half-sister came to visit this summer we made an effort to see her. We would go have pie with her and my grandpa occasionally. And, when they started getting sick, I always made it to visit. She actually deemed me the "hospital runner." In the last 3 weeks since she had been really sick, I saw her almost every day. I spent countless hours stroking her arms and hair at hospice and even stayed the night. As weird as it sounds, since my dad didn't come to visit, I felt a strange sense of obligation to be there in his place, but even when I remove that from the equation, I still think I would have been there just as much. I handle the high stress situations better than anyone on either side of my family.

So yesterday, as I was getting home from the store and I got the call from my cousin, I was very calm and quiet. I was sad. However, when I got off the phone, a huge flood of emotion came over me and I started to cry. I really was sad. I was sad for all the years and memories missed out on for what I think are stupid reasons and I was sad for all the moments that were good that would be no more. There are definitely things I do that I know are from her and things I remember her telling me that I will carry for a lifetime. She had a full life, 74 years worth, 56 years of marriage, 3 children, 4 grandchildren, 9 great grandchildren and countless friends and lives she touched.

My favorite things she taught me was, "Surface clean before the party...deep clean after. Why do you want everything to be so nice before and then sit on a toilet after that someone probably peed on!" I miss you grandma!

Down to 968

2009-02-03T06:36:00.000-08:00

I should have known when I wrote my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days that it wouldn't work so well for me. At least not until I am down to about 30 days. Although I am one of the most organized people I know, I am a HUGE procrastinator and somehow work extremely well under pressure. It is weird, but I seem to go through life completely stressed out of my mind, but if I am not under the gun, I am completely unproductive. You give me a day with nothing planned and that is just what I will do...nothing!

Some of my goals are in progress as far as trips we want to take, but it is a matter of timing and money. Some of my goals like house remodeling are waiting for us to hit the lottery. My personal goals, like stopping swearing are something that I have to wait for the day that it embarrasses me that I said something in front of someone and I get hit up the head by a 2x4. As I write this, I am thinking to myself how dumb that sounds. If I want to change something, why don't I just change it. I guess I am like an alcoholic in the sense that I haven't hit "rock bottom" with some of my habits.

Anyways, I have the list posted. I see it daily and I know it needs to be worked on. And I am sure it will be...in 900+ days. :)

What happened to January?

2009-01-27T14:21:00.001-08:00

This has been a crazy start to the year. With both of my grandparents in the hospital, I have been tied up for the last 17 days. Then, this morning as I was sitting in my grandma's room, I noticed it said it was January 27th on her board. It's WHAT? Where is my month? How is it almost February? I don't have time for that!

My grandpa finally was healthy enough that he had his stent placed yesterday. Now they are talking about releasing him already as soon as he is able to walk. My grandpa is an incredibly strong man, but I don't know what he will do when he goes home to an empty house. My grandma has gotten worse every day. Last week they finally moved her to hospice. She was able to talk, just fatigued easy. Then on Saturday, we cried together. I told her I was sad and she said she was sad too. On Sunday, I brought Colton to say his goodbyes. When I told her he was there she whispered, "Hi little person." Yesterday, she no longer had the strength to speak, but I called my dad and when I put the phone to her ear, she opened her eyes while he spoke to her. Today, she was unresponsive. She didn't moan anymore or try to move. The nurse said the end is within a couple of days. Although I wasn't always close to her, it makes me sad. Since I have had my kids I have realized the importance and strength of family.

Now I have Colton home with his asthma kicking into full gear. I decided to let him stay home tomorrow from school since Dawson is home while the other class goes on a field trip. Maybe God has placed this "mental health" day in my lap so we can have a day to reconnect as a family. While I have been at the hospital and trying to be there for so much of my extended family, I have done a not so great job at being there for my own family. I am hoping to take tomorrow and just snuggle with my boys and make sure they know how important they are to me. I may even ask them what they've been doing for the last month!

What a Difference a Week Makes

2009-01-24T07:05:00.000-08:00

This week has been much different from last week. I have not been nearly as stressed and James has been a completely different husband.

After last week, I decided that even though I still wanted to visit my grandparents and felt the need to be there more since my dad is so far away, that I needed to not kill myself to do it. I have made it up to see them when I have time and have enjoyed my visits more. My grandpa is doing okay, but still is in limbo waiting for his procedure. My grandma has been moved to hospice, the one sharing the parking lot with my grandpa's hospital. She is not doing well and it won't be long until she passes. I am not sure if she really knows I am there, but I still go and sit with her for the time I can.

James has done a 180 and is back to the wonderful man I married. I think that he has been under a lot of stress also with work and trying to fit everything in and make everyone happy since that is just his personality. After our argument last week, he worked a double, but he called a couple times a day to see how we were doing at home. Then on Monday, he came home from shift with flowers, which he used to always get me about once a month. That night after dinner, he had his brother Brian come watch the kids so we could go for a walk. Tuesday he worked again, but was much more kind on the phone and he asked me how I was doing. Wednesday he made dinner and then suggested a family walk. Last night he even took off half his shift so we could go out with some friends. It is rare that we have babysitting for a late night at the same time we have people to have a late night with, so it was really nice. We had a great time, laughing, flirting with each other and just getting back to who we really are as a couple. When I married James it was for all the wonderful qualities he had and this week they all came back.

So, I am happy to say I am heading into this weekend filled with JOY! I am feeling pretty good, confident in my marriage, satisfied with my family and ready to tackle this week.

Why Ask Why?

2009-01-22T18:50:00.000-08:00

I know that kids are always learning and that it is our job to teach them, but I will never understand why people ask questions when they really don't need the answer. Today I was taking Dawson to school and the conversation went something like this:

Dawson: "Why do you take Colton to school in the van?"
Me: "Because dad had the Corolla and Colton doesn't like it anyways."
Dawson: "Do you like to take Colton in the van."
Me: "It doesn't matter to me. Do you want me to take you to school in the van?"
Dawson: "NO, I love the Corolla!"
Then why did you ask?!?!

Not even 2 minutes later he noticed the granola bar in my purse.
Dawson: "Is that your granola bar?"
Me: "Yes."
Dawson: "Are you going to eat it?"
Me: "Yes, do you want some?"
Dawson: "Nope, I am full."
Once again...why are we asking then?!?!

I swear he keeps me on my toes.

A Lesson In Faith

2009-01-18T15:49:00.000-08:00

I learned a lot today as I watched the Cardinals game with Colton. In the first half they were doing so good and we were up 24-6. By the beginning of the 4th quarter, the Eagles had overcome us and it was 25-24. That's when I said, "Sorry Colton, I guess we might not make it to the Superbowl." He looked at me, almost with a confusion and said, "MOM, we still have 10 MINUTES!" We ended up winning the game and made history today, but what I was most blown away by was the blind faith of my 7 year old. He believed in his team, he believed in our quarterback who is a Christian, and he waited patiently to see what God would do. I am so proud of him!!

Murphy's Law

2009-01-18T06:02:00.000-08:00

I swear that Murphy's Law prevails in my life much more than any of my friends. I know that is probably not true, but it is sure how I felt this morning when at 5:47am I hear my children awake. My children who did not go to bed early, did not have a nap and are not sick. The only reason I can think of that they would get up so early is because I went to bed too late, much later than usual. This isn't the only time this happens either. It happens all the time in reverse. Next week Colton has a 7:00am dentist appointment. I can guarantee that will be the morning he decides to sleep in and we will run around like crazy people in grumpy moods to get there in time.

I am trying to be more joyful and maybe God is going to test my ability to overcome with this wonderful morning I am starting with. Also, today I not only get to go see my grandpa in the hospital, but now my grandma has gone in too. To a different hospital. So in a little bit, I will be making the rounds. With a smile on my face. I am going to be intentional though and when I watch the Cardinals game this afternoon, I will be joyful whatever the outcome. Like they said in Facing the Giants, "We praise God when we win and we praise God when we lose."

And I praise God when a little Murphy's Law comes into my life.

*On a side note, everything is better with James. We talked it out that night and after I wrote down my frustrations, I felt much better. I knew this blog would be good for something!

Frustrations are running high

2009-01-16T20:45:00.000-08:00

There has been more than one time this week where I have wished that my husband was a woman. Not for the gross part, but because I need him to understand me more. This has been an incredibly stressful week: my grandpa is in the hospital, my grandma needs 24 hour supervision, I had 2 packing jobs, volunteered at Colton's school for 3 hours Wednesday, had 2 basketball practices, and James was gone 4 out of 5 days and is headed into a double.

Maybe I am kidding myself, but I just think this week would have been much different if he had been a girl. For example, when he sees me going to the hospital every day, crying and stressed and I keep calling him with questions about what the monitors say because he is a paramedic, maybe he could have offered to come up with me once and explain things or ask questions I don't know to ask. Or when he went to Barrett Jackson on Thursday, which was planned for a month, and told me that although he was riding with a friend that he didn't think it would be a problem to make it home in time to help me get the boys to their simultaneous basketball practices, that when he realized he wasn't going to make it home, he could have tried to find someone to help me. Maybe he could have been the one to call the neighbor to ask instead of me. When I am frustrated and yelling at the kids, maybe he wouldn't look at me in judgment because he would understand that I am human and at my wits end. When we haven't spent any real time in 3 weeks together, maybe he would try to set something up instead of thinking I can run on empty forever.

Maybe, just maybe, this is me just being hormonal, spoiled and a complete pain in the butt. BUT, maybe it would have been a different week if he had thought like a woman. Now though, I need to let it go, move on and start a new week...with my husband who really is a pretty amazing man.

Life Happens

2009-01-12T17:08:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish things would slow down some. I am, for the most part, an on the go kind of girl. I usually have my day jammed packed full of things to do and places to go and it has never bothered me. What bothers me is when something extra sneaks it's way in last minute and even if I can find a way to make it work, I don't like that it's not planned and it stresses me out.

That happened to me today. I was scheduled to make a meal for someone who just lost her husband and tonight my hubby was going to a movie with some friends. Then we realized we had an open morning so we decided yesterday to go for a hike. Even though he has a great schedule and is home a lot during the week, this is a rare event for us since he is usually doing car work or helping someone.

Then late last night I get a call letting me know that my grandpa is in the hospital. He is 77, has had diabetes for 25+ years and had quadruple bypass in '04, so a hospital visit is never good. To add to the plate, my grandma, his wife of over 55 years is at home battling bladder cancer and not doing well herself.

So, as I went to bed last night I played out my options for the day: skip the hike - didn't want to do that with all the examples of how precious time with a loved one can be; not go to see my grandparents - didn't want to do that because I don't know how long they have; not shower - not an option since my hair was going to be heading into day 3.

I surprised myself when this morning I woke up spontaneously at 6:24am. (That never happens.) I realized if I hurried, I could get the dinner made before I took Colton to school. So, with a minor amount of yelling and ignoring the kids, I got dinner made. Check that off my list. Then I realized I had a small amount of time before James got home from work to hike and if I only got halfway ready, I could get my shower done now. Another check. James and I went hiking and it was nice, although I am pathetically out of shape compared to him! When we got home, I grabbed lunch and headed out the door.

When I got to the hospital, I was headed into the room I was told my grandpa was in. I then found out that he had been moved to CCU because he couldn't breathe and his heart was beating irregularly. They had some weird contraption on him to help him breathe and said he may be intebated by the end of the day. Even though I am not extremely close to this set of grandparents, I am closer to him and it was really hard to see. When I walked in the room he looked so sad and even scared which is not an emotion he displays often. He grabbed my hand and held it the entire visit. When I left I just felt sad. Then I stopped by my grandma's to see how she was doing. She is having a very hard time lately, needs 24 hour care and misses my grandpa. When I sat down to talk with her, as she lay in bed with her eyes closed because talking is all the energy she can muster, she said, "I just wish we were going through this together."

It was at that moment that I thought, life happens. Sometimes the way we want, sometimes not. My grandparents are the fortunate ones in some respects. They have had a good life, 55 years of marriage, kids and grand kids. Now though they are suffering, having a hard time remembering and just plain ailing from old age and the complications that go along with it. I have lost a number of very important people in my life, ranging in age from a newborn to this. I don't think there is any easy time to lose someone or any easy age to go through suffering. Like I say in almost every post, you just have to enjoy what you can while you have it. ..... Now I am off to snuggle up with my boys and relax.

1 + 1 = What?

2009-01-10T06:20:00.000-08:00

Let me preface this story with the fact that Dawson is 4. He does not know math yet, however he is an antagonizer.

We are at the table last night working on math with Colton when Dawson decides he knows more than his older brother.

Colton: "Oh yeah, what is 1 + 1?"
Dawson: "400"
Colton: "No it's not, it's 2. What is 2 + 3?"
Dawson: "400"
Colton: "Nope, wrong again, it's 5. What is 10 + 20?"
Dawson: "400"

Are you sensing a pattern here? Obvioulsy 400 is Dawson's favorite number.

Colton: "Ok, last one. What is 5 + 5?"
Dawson: "400"
Colton: "See Dawson you don't know math. You have to wait until you go to school to learn."
Dawson: "Yes I do, Colton what is 4 + 4?"
Colton: Playing along "400"
Dawson: "Nope, that is wrong. It's 500!"
Colton: "Whatever."

It was pretty funny to watch.

That darn snowflake!

2009-01-08T13:35:00.000-08:00

Today I realized 2 things. The first is that your children pick up some of your habits you don't even realize you are displaying to them. The second is that I really need to work on my joy goal. I have always let people or situations steal my joy and once it is gone, I tend to let the rest of the day or week go downhill. I found out today that Colton is just like me.

I walked to school to pick him up and usually he runs by me, throws his backpack at me and runs to the park to play with his friends for 5 more minutes before we head home. Today though he came out dragging his feet and when I asked him about the park he said no with his head hanging down. As we started to walk he told me about his day. I guess they made snowflakes in class and however he folded and cut his, it didn't turn out. Right away his teacher helped him to make it right, but as he said, "I am the only kid in 2nd grade who can't cut a dumb snowflake!" I told him it was not a big deal, not to let it ruin his day and that we could practice at home if he wanted. He then replied, "And it's not just that, on morning recess I slipped on the bridge on the playground that was covered in frost and then at lunch recess ____ got mad at me because I went to play basketball with someone else and..." And at that very moment he went to take a drink out of his water bottle and it spilled all down his shirt. He made this loud growl sound and then stomped his foot and said, "I am THIS angry!" He had his fingers spread as wide as they could be. Then he squeezed them together and said, "I am only this happy." I stopped in my tracks, gave him a big hug, told him I loved him and asked him what we could do to change that. He replied, "Well, now I am only this angry," widening his fingers only three-fourths of the way, "and a little more happy. Your I love you helped a little."

When he said that I had to laugh to myself because I have had those days. Those days where you start out by spilling something and then drop something and then trip and so on. What I don't want to happen though is for my 7 year old to let joy slip through his fingers because he feels so defeated by little moments that won't even matter by the end of the day. When he got home we had 15 minutes to ourselves before Dawson came home. We hugged and cuddled and laughed at funny stories and by time Dawson came home, I think he was much better. Now I am here typing and I can hear them laughing and playing together in the other room. It's amazing to me how much our kids learn from us, even when we think there is nothing "watchable." I hope I remember this day and handle myself better the next time one of "those" days sneaks up on me. I want to be purposeful about hanging on to my joy.

No One Told Me

2009-01-05T19:18:00.000-08:00

Actually that is not true. Everyone told me, I just didn't believe them or listen. I am talking about being a parent. This is one hard job!

I had been feeling a little overwhelmed over Christmas break. My boys are at such a fun age and yet such a frustrating one. Colton is now old enough that he can sit down and carry on a great conversation with me, I can explain things more in depth, and he loves to read, to himself. However, he also talks back, picks up wonderful language from kids at school and challenges almost everything I say. Dawson is at what I have found to be my favorite age. It is when I enjoyed Colton the most too. He wants to learn, he wants to go places with you (who knew a grocery store day care could be so exciting?!?) and he is still small enough to fit on my lap. But, like I have said before, Dawson zigs instead of zags. He goes against the grain, if for no other purpose than to get a rise out of someone. So over Christmas break I found myself wanting structure again, missing the routine of school days and wanting some peace and quiet around the house.

Well, I got it. Only it didn't leave me feeling how I'd hoped when I started the day. I wasted my 2 hours alone catching up on my DVR (real productive) and then when my kids did get home, we played games....3 of them, and laughed and wrestled and I even attempted "airplane rides" until I realized I was never going to walk again after trying to hold 65 pounds on my shins. So maybe I don't want them gone as much as I thought. I just want it to be nice when they are home. I cannot handle the whining, fighting and tattle-telling that took up most of my last 2 weeks.

Then came the structure I was looking for. Only I wasn't looking to be this structured. If you know me, you know that I am very organized, very timely and can squeeze a LOT of things into one day. However, I just found out tonight that my kids basketball games are exactly one hour apart every Saturday for the next 8 weeks. That wouldn't be a big deal if they were at the same school, but they are at schools 7 miles apart. And did I mention the games last 50 minutes. You want to talk about grab your snack and go! Now I have a call into my mom to see if she can help with the weeks James is on shift.

I think through all of this I am realizing that I am just discontented. Not with any one thing in particular either. I just feel like the life I knew keeps changing and I can't go fast enough to keep up with it. One day I am working and then I am staying home with a newborn. Then came the playgroups, park days and MOPS. That changed to AMFM, preschool and sports started for Colton. Then came Dawson's therapies, all 16 hours a week of them. Then Colton went to kindergarten and Dawson started preschool. This school year is halfway over and next year I will have a 3rd grader and a kindergartner. What do I do then? Do I stay home still, aid in Dawson's class like I did so diligently in Colton's? Do I enjoy the weekdays with my hubby when he is off, get in shape, go back to a bible study? Or do I get a job so I help James some, meet adults, have something that is mine?

When I was little everyone told me, "Time flies, especially the older you get!" They really weren't kidding. I guess I need to just find a way to enjoy the moment or phase I am in. Take it in for all it's worth so there is no looking back and take each day one day at a time. This is nowhere in my comfort zone, but it is in my 101 goals, so here I go trying again.

Tricked Ya!

2009-01-02T18:38:00.000-08:00

This has been a long day. Not a bad day, just a long one. I don't know if I am still recovering from the holidays or just feeling overwhelmed with everything I need to get done, but I am pretty tired and not in the mood for a lot. This morning we went to the park with some friends and then Dawson had therapy. Then we met my mom to walk her dog, ate, and the kids are already in bed.

So Dawson is going through a definite phase where he only likes James. Not just that he only likes him, but he doesn't like me and he has no problem telling me or anyone else about it. Tonight as I was putting him to bed he started singing, "Goodnight Colton, Goodnight Dawson, Goodnight Daddy..." and then it came..."Goodbye Mommy." I no longer get Good Nights. I get Good Bye, please get out of my room now. Real nice. Of course, this made me remember what happened the other night. As we were putting the kids to bed Dawson asked for a back rub. This was literally 10 minutes after telling me, "he only liked Daddy." So I responded with, "I am sorry, but I only rub backs for kids that like me and since you don't, I will just be rubbing Colton's tonight." Right away he piped up, "But I do like you. I like you a little. Now will you rub my back?" I caved and as I am rubbing his back he starts to laugh and says, "Ha-ha, I tricked you!" Seriously, someday I am not going to do anything for this kid and he is going to realize that he really did like me. And for the record, my husband is loving this! At least I have Colton. He is definitely a Mama's Boy and not going anywhere.

101 goals in 1001 days

2009-01-01T18:50:00.000-08:00

So my friend Katie has a great blog and her new topic is 101 goals in 1001 days. It intrigued me enough to come up with my own list (although I borrowed some of her ideas) and I am even going to let her know I have a blog so I can share my list with her.
So here it goes. By September 28, 2011 I would like to...
1. Go to Hawaii for my 10 year anniversary
2. Take my kids to Disney World
3. Go on a missions trip
4. Put wood floors in my house
5. Organize my photos
6. Keep a regular journal (or blog)
7. Work out consistently 3 to 4 times a week for 2 months
8. Read through the entire bible
9. Make it back to Colorado to visit
10. Organize the house and keep it that way for 30 days
11. Spend more quality time with the kids
12. Do a media fast for 3 days
13. Live within James' firefighting paycheck
14. Create a realistic housekeeping plan and stick to it
15. Go to a marriage conference
16. Hike the Grand Canyon
17. Take the kids skiing
18. Organize the garage (possibly getting cabinets)
19. Purge items we will never use again
20. Go on a cruise
21. Share my faith with a stranger
22. Keep the office clutter free for a month
23. Set up a homework routine for the kids
24. Do 25 random acts of kindness
25. Adopt an entire family for Christmas
26. Learn how to use my MP3 player
27. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
28. Figure out how to record home movies to DVD using my computer
29. Create a family mission statement and frame it
30. Purchase furniture for the front room
31. Install a fireplace
32. Get new countertops
33. Replace the bathtubs and showers in both bathrooms
34. Tile the kitchen, bathrooms and laundry room
35. Repaint the garage floor
36. Redo the master bedroom closet incorporating our old dresser
37. Stop swearing
38. Let the kids make most of the decisions for an entire day
39. Have ice cream for dinner
40. Go to a 4th of July display and sit up close to the action
41. Do a devotional with the kids every day for a month
42. Stick to a skin care regimen
43. Redo breast augmentation
44. Find the perfect fitting bra
45. Do 100 sit ups for 30 days straight
46. Work up to being able to do 20 regular push ups (as opposed to the 5 girl ones I can do now)
47. Floss daily for 2 weeks
48. Have a date once a week while the kids are in school for an entire month
49. Take family hikes on the weekend
50. Organize the junk drawers and get it down to drawer
51. Jog for 30 minutes straight
52. Make all 3 meals at home every day for an entire month
53. Have a great party
54. Pray every day for 30 days
55. Join another women's bible study
56. Make a great friend
57. Be more joyful
58. Don't worry about ANYTHING for 1 week
59. Learn to accept my in-laws (siblings too) for who they are and appreciate their quirks
60. Lead my mom back to Christ
61. See my dad
62. Redo the boys bedrooms and make them friendly and usable
63. Get the boys a laptop computer
64. Take a 2 night getaway from the kids yearly
65. Make a point of having a special day with each boy at least 3 times a year
66. Pull the kids out of school one day just to do something fun
67. Go to another Suns game
68. Go to the Renaissance Festival
69. Watch the sunset with James on the beach
70. Don't plan or schedule anything for 72 entire hours. Fly by the seat of my pants!
71. Camp out in the back yard as a family
72. Stay off the phone, not even answering it, for 48 hours
73. Consider getting a dog
74. Lose 10 pounds and keep it off without depriving myself, just controlling myself
75. Go on a shopping spree when I have maintained my body for 30 days
76. Don't drink any caffeine for 30 days
77. Go ice skating with the family
78. Go horseback riding as a family
79. Let my husband lead
80. Organize old momentos
81. Go to a tree lighting ceremony
82. Go to Phoenix First Assembly Chirstmas service
83. Go to the APS light parade
84. Rent a boat and take the boys to the lake for a day
85. Do the Hoover Dam tour
86. Recycle to the best of my abilites for 1 week
87. Meet our neighbors
88. Learn to play the drums
89. Trade James' jeep for a 4 door truck
90. Make sure James has 1 free day a month to do whatever he wants
91. Go to lunch with a girlfriend once a month for 3 months
92. Get a professional massage (since my favorite place went out of business)
93. Get a facial
94. Stain the kitchen cabinets and put the knobs we bought 6 months ago on them
95. Finish armorie
96. Figure out a good place for the video games
97. Have family game night twice a month
98. Take the kids to the driving range and/or golfing
99. Scrapbook
100. Look at the word of the day on KLOVE everyday
101. Be content with my life...even if I don't accomplish anything on this list

America...the 13 Colonies

2009-01-01T18:44:00.000-08:00

My children make me laugh. It is so fun to watch them learning and funnier when they confuse the information they are taking in. Today we met Danelle, Mason and Jonah at the park. We decided to bring Chick-fil-A for lunch. As we were in the drive thru Dawson spotted a flag flying and said, "Look the America flag." To which Colton replied, "Yep, for our 13 colonies!" It made me chuckle because he just finished the unit at school teaching them about the history of the flag and how it started with the 13 colonies. Someday he will have all this information down, but for now I am enjoying being a part of the learning.

It was a long day, but a good one.

2008-12-30T19:19:00.000-08:00

Today was long. The thought of today was even longer. Today I took Dawson for his annual MRI. This meant 8 hours down at Phoenix Children's Hospital and because of "departmental needs" moving James to B shift 2 shifts ago, it meant 8 long hours on my own. I didn't really know what news I wanted to hear and still am not sure what is right. If we stay in this holding pattern I am afraid we may miss a window like I have done with so many other issues (like Colton's potential for ASD) but I really am not ready to put my 4 year old under for brain surgery either.

Anyways, today went good. It started, of course, with no eating, which he did pretty well with. By time we left, Colton was grateful as he too was starving since he was nice enough not to eat in front of his brother. When we got to the hospital things flowed smoothly and our anesthegiologist for the day, Dr. Miller, was awesome. He gave Dawson Versed beforehand which made him stumble around the room like a drunk, but really helped in the process of putting him on the table and getting the gas mask on him. He also gave him meds to not throw up this time which I appreciated.

It was so funny when Dawson was waking up. Last night when my in-laws said they would bring dinner up with them when they came to watch Colton, Dawson said he wanted to carve the "roast beast" (like the Grinch.) So when Dawson woke up and said he wanted to go home, I said "What are you going to cut when you get there?" To which he replied, "the cheese!" Not quite, but sure funny.

Dr. Shafron said nothing really changed and we will just keep monitoring him. I just want to make sure I am doing all for my kids that I can. I want to make sure that I am raising them to be who God wants them to be and not just who I want them to be. I want to help them find their passions and pursue them. I want to listen to what they have to say even when it doesn't interest me. I want to be the best mom I possibly can and I want them to have enjoyed their childhood. It looks like I have a lot of work cut out for me!

Here We Go AGAIN...with a funny moment.

2008-12-28T13:46:00.000-08:00

I am back...again...only this time I am not going to promise myself to write more. I am going to be content with when I get here and what I remember.

Today at church it was talking about how to have a peaceful 2009. It really hit me when the pastor kept saying over and over not to worry about tomorrow, that it has enough worry itself. So, that is going to me my "resolution" if you will. Although, I am not going to call it that, but hopefully more of just a change in how I view things. I am also going to try to be more joyful. This one will be hard for me. In general, I am kind of an orderly and sometimes uptight person and I tend to let almost any little thing steal my joy. So this one I will be praying about and hopefully it will develop over time.

So since I am on the topic of church, and before I recall any other great memories, I must remember Christmas Eve. I am not sure I will ever forget it, even if I try, but I want to make sure I have it down for the record. So we decided to go to the 6:00pm service on Christmas Eve. Our church normally has around 12,000 attendees on a regular weekend and well over 20,000 on holidays. Dawson is going through a phase where he only likes James right now and wants nothing to do with me (which after this happened was fine with me.) Anyways, we get to church and walk up on to the large concrete sidewalk area in front of the building. The doors are closed, as they are still cleaning up from the last service, so we are standing outside with about 600 or so people. James says he is going to go to the bathroom and off he heads. Dawson gets upset because he doesn't want to stay with me and says he also needs to go just so he can be with dad. I told him no and that he could wait a minute. That was my demise. Within about 4.2 seconds I hear laughing. I look down to see my four and a half year old with his pants around his ankles PEEING on the church entryway. I immediately pull up his pants, spank him (mainly to please the 100+ people watching since it doesn't phase him) and sit him on a chair to wait for James. Then I proceed to text James, "Your son just freakin peed all over the sidewalk in front of church!" To which he replied, "I'm sorry...do I know you?" I wanted to kill him and Dawson now. Yet all I could do was start to laugh. I don't know if it was Dawson's autism, his learning disability or just his stubborn streak that made him do it, but it was kind of funny in a terribly embarrassing way. Then to add to my horror, more people are now coming in and starting to fill in the holes and before I know it, they are standing in Dawson's pee puddle (of course probably assuming it is water.) There is one gentleman who has watched this entire event unfold. He is now looking from the pee with people standing in it to me and back. Finally the church doors open and we head all the way to the far top right corner. I am talking we are in the last row. However, 5 minutes before service starts, who sits in front of us, but the wonderful gentleman who had watched (and judged) my lovely moment outside. Are you kidding me now? Our church hold 3,000 people and now someone who was a witness to my second most embarrassing moment ever is sitting in front of me. That is a Christmas Eve I don't think I will soon forget!

Colton got braces at the beginning of the month and that has been fun. Not even 2 weeks after they were on, James was playing with the boys and ripped the wire right out. That was fun to get it put back together in our room with a flashlight and pliers! I cannot believe he is half way through 2nd grade. Our little bribery worked though for his behaviors. Ever since he got the game, he has only had 1 yellow. Now he just comes home and tells me about everyone else who got in trouble for the day.

This December has been busy and filled with lots of fun. Although I am a little relieved that the whole holiday season is over, I will miss this in the months to come. There is so much family time, so many parties and so much wonderful food! Here's looking towards a great New Year and the many memories it has to offer!

It's Been A While

2008-11-29T09:26:00.000-08:00

Well it's been 4 months since I've been on here. I swear I always have the best of intentions to journal, or in this case blog, but life just gets away from me and I never seem to do it. There have been SO many things that have happened, so many funny moments and so many memories I wish I had posted...BUT this is not going to be a blog of regrets. I am going to move forward with today and recall what I can. Then I will try to be more diligent about posting more.

So, let's start with James. He passed his engineer's test. He not only passed it, but was #1! I was so proud of him and all of his hard work. I often wonder if he ever thought he'd have got this far when he didn't finish high school. He is such an amazing man. He is so willing to try everything he can to make me happy (and Lord knows I am not easy on him.) Right now he is in the middle of back to back 48 hour shifts so that we can finally buy a mattress for our new bedroom set. The bedroom set he bought because it was on such a big sale and I had wanted it for so long, only to realize it was a Cal King and our current bed is a King, so we have been sleeping in a bedroom with 2 sets of furniture. It has been good for us though to wait to spend and I think we will appreciate the new set that much more when we actually get to sleep on it!

Colton is good. Second grade has been a little rough. We were having almost weekly yellows until I bribed him with a video game. He just earned it the other day and now I am curious to see how the next week goes. He is almost done with soccer and has been having a good time. He is pretty good, but still really cautious about "getting in the mix" of people. He is a very sweet, compassionate boy who is growing up so fast.

There are no words for Dawson. He is his own person for sure. His expressions are priceless and his face speaks a thousand words. I wish I could remember some of the things he has said lately, but of course, my mind is drawing a blank. One thing I will never forget though is that we started talking about what the boys want from Santa last night. Colton started with, "A DS, an IPOD, Crocs, ..." Then comes Dawson, "A DS, bowling shoes, ..." Wait a minute! Bowling shoes?!?! Dawson has only been bowling 3 times in his entire life and he wants bowling shoes for Christmas? Yep, that about sums him up.

One funny thing I do remember about the boys is that last week I was so tired and I told both of the boys to go around the house and "get all the socks and underwear and put them in the washer." I told them this because it never fails that when I am done with the load, I find a dirty pair somewhere. Well I went in the garage for a minute and came back into the house to find my oldest leading the way and both boys loading all of their clean socks and underwear from their drawers into the washer. I couldn't help but laugh. I guess I need to be more specific and say "dirty" next time!

I am good...ups and downs happen, but overall life is good. This month I did the 3-Day Breast Cancer Walk. In those 60 miles I heard some amazing stories of triumph and heartache. We have so much to be thankful for. A home, a family who loves us, God, friends, our overall health and the list goes on and on. I am hoping to add to this more and more and look back and see all the daily blessings I take for granted.

Days Go By

2008-07-24T16:27:00.000-07:00

This is such a busy time in our lives. School starts for the boys in 2 weeks. James is studying for an engineer's exam and is occupied with that almost all of his off time. I have been doing some side work here and there. My half sister Jackie is coming to visit Monday and I haven't seen her in 8 1/2 years since my wedding. I feel like we run around most days with our tails cut off and yet I don't think I would trade it.

On our vacation we went on I enjoyed a great book and the boys played together really nicely. The thing I realized was how little we need T.V. and how much of our lives it fills. Right now I can hear the boys playing in the other room with trucks and fire engines that they haven't played with in at least 6 months. We have a train table that stores all of these things and I swear they haven't gone near it in forever, but since we have been home from our trip they seem to be playing more. It's really nice.

Of course they still love video games and my favorite right now is the Wii. I actually just got Wii Fit today after searching for over 3 months to find it! I sure hope it proves to be worth the money and time. Anyways, for his birthday, Dawson got the Lego Indiana Jones game. He goes around saying he wants to play "Indian Jones." No matter how many times we tell him it's Indiana, he says, "I know...Indian Jones." So now the entire family calls it that. Isn't it funny when a little kid makes up a word and the rest of the house picks up on it.

So not much to say, just realizing that the days go by faster and faster and I don't really know where they go, but hope to remember the fun bits and pieces along the way.